The Democrats retook the House, Senate, and many statewide offices after a massive wave of wins in the 2026 midterm election. The Onion breaks down the figures behind the Democrats’ “blue tsunami.”

54

Number of states Democrats now control

∞

Executive orders incoming

$2.99

Price that swing voters expect to see at gas pumps real soon, bucko

4,316

Cowboy hats taken off, thrown on the ground, and stomped on

$5,001

Bribe that would have worked on American voters

300,000

Termites Susan Collins exploded into upon losing reelection

11

Eerily calm tech CEOs ordering assistants to initiate the backup protocol

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