Any parent would tell you that you never stop being a parent. You can’t switch if off when they go to school, or when they graduate, or sometimes even when they fly the nest. But there are levels to this whole “parenting” thing too. The problem begins when your protective impulses don’t subside and intrude on your offspring’s development.
People are using Reddit as a place to trauma dump about the helicopter parent that caused them immeasurable harm, and the results are uncomfortable at best. So if you can’t one-up any of these stories, it might be time to phone your mom and thank her for keeping an eye on you from a comfortable distance.
#1
I have a job. 22. Parents depend on me for income. Still not allowed to go out.
I'm depressed and I want to end my life.
Because of the pandemic our business got stopped and we had to go online so I had to take all the photos, and upload them online. The income from this online business is what keeps us alive right now.
I recently got a job and I want to invest in our business to make it bigger so I decided to get a product photographer that I would go to for pictures so that I could promote it when December comes. Now the problem is, my parents won't allow me to go alone even though I'm 22 and they depend on me for money.
Why am I not allowed to get the freedom I deserve? When I was in high school and wanted to go out, they said I could do whatever I want if I had a job and finished education. But now what? Should I run away and stay with my boyfriend?
I RAN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!
I feel so FREE but guilty at the same time because they kept on telling me that I'm leaving them because they're poor and I would stay if they were rich. Dad ended up slapping me and telling me he would kill me out of anger. My mom told me I was disrespectful and I have a bad personality, I FEEL SO BAD and I've been overthinking if I should have done that and if I'm a bad daughter but my mental health can't take it anymore!!!
© Photo: bellemarts
#2
Mum went through my garbage
I was doing a bit of seasonal cleaning in my room on Sunday, when I found a few of my old diaries from 6/7th grade. The content inside of them was really embarrassing and I didn’t feel like I’d care about them when I’m older so I chucked them in the bin.
Last night, mum came into my room and began asking me questions on rapid fire. “Why were you trying to throw these away?! Who’s this person you wrote about? Do you still have a crush on (name redacted)? Why did you write such rude things about me? Is that a curse word?!” She then proceeded to make fun of some of what I wrote.
The whole time my face is hot, I’m on the edge of tears, and I hate myself for being stupid enough to think she wouldn’t find them.
© Photo: Algernon96
#3
Helicopter Co-worker is going away with her daughter to college!
So my co-worker is a Major Helicopter. She's been panicking for the past year because daughter is leaving across country for Chicago to go to college. (We work in Maryland). I kept telling her this is the best thing for her daughter to go away & learn about herself & make friends & have fun in college, etc.
Anyhoo... She just gave her 2 weeks notice! She got a new job IN CHICAGO & is moving so she can be near her daughter. Has anyone heard of the parents moving to follow their kids in college???
SUCH INSANITY!
Helicopter parenting is exactly what it sounds like: a parenting style that is closely involved, constantly hovering, and thoroughly present in every moment of a child's existence. The child never gets the chance to figure out what happens when you're not there, which can be detrimental.
The intentions are almost always good, but sometimes it crosses over into self-serving. Decades of psychological research have arrived at the conclusion that hovering backfires. Children raised under constant supervision develop less resilience, less emotional regulation, and less confidence in their own ability to handle anything without someone managing it for them first.
#4
Finally told my mom just how controlling she is—she scoffed and replied with “you only think that because you don’t really know what controlling is.” I think I’ve reached my breaking point.
OH MY GODDDDDDD I’ve just about had it with these people!!!!! I’m legitimately about to lose my gd mind. I went on my first date at 19 years old and, and I had to ask my parents for permission. I was living on my college campus at the time, and my parents tracked my every single move. I didn’t reply to a text for 10 minutes while on said date, and my dad got in his car and started driving to my campus to see “what I was up to with that boy.”
Today I also told my mom that it isn’t her job to keep me under a microscope anymore, and she said “we aren’t paying thousands of dollars for you to go to college and do whatever you want.” I can only go out with friends my mom likes—and surprise surprise she doesn’t like ANY of my friends. They track my phone, not allowed to date anyone who isn’t from my church, force me to go to church/listen to online services now (AND I DONT EVEN BELIEVE IN GOD ANYMORE LIKE UGHHHH it makes me want to scream) I’m 20 years old and they don’t see that they treat me like I’m 10. There are so many other examples of how controlling they are, but if I listed them all I think this post would be like 100,000 words long.
I don’t know what to do anymore, but I just don’t think it’s healthy for me to be at home. I love my parents, but I can’t do this. I want to pay for my own college, but where am I going to get $20k a year? I don’t know if I can make myself completely independent from them tbh. Do you guys think there’s even any way to improve my relationship with them? I’m at a complete loss at this point. I don’t know how to talk to them or even be around them.
#5
My sister and I convinced our live at home 20 year old brother to open his own bank account!!!
Both of my brothers (20 & 24) still live with our parents. They both had my mom on their bank accounts. The 24 year old is autistic so I can see the reasoning there (he works and manages his own money pretty well) but I know my mom has taken money out and moved it around to other accounts to hide my brothers money from the government. (Something having to do with his disability or Medicaid. He’s not allowed to have more than a certain amount in his account or he loses benefits or something) so my mom moves around his money to hide it.
My other brother (20) has been working since he was 16. My mom got him his job, got him his bank account (with her on it of course) and she watches everything he buys. He doesn’t want to work at current job anymore but is afraid to leave cause our mom made him work there. He was tired of our parents complaining about his spending habits.
My sister and I convinced him to open his own account, explained how to do it, how to set up direct deposit, and boom. He did it!!!! Our mom was PISSED at us (my sister and I) lol. I haven’t talked to her in 2 years (other reasons) but I’m so glad he’s moving forward.
He has a long way to go to being independent, but it’s a good first step. Our mom molded him perfectly into a person that is afraid to do things himself. But he’s told us he wants to be on his own, and doesn’t know how.
#6
My Parents are Control Freaks and Gaslighters
Let’s see what they do:
Forced me to sign FERPA and threatened to cut me off for wanting to go to the office for checking legality.
Got into my college account to track my grades and emails.
Track my location with Life360
Have a tracking VPN on my phone that blocks everything and tracks who I text.
Banned me from all social media even though it will be important for my career.
Have gridlock control over my finances.
Don’t allow my boyfriend to spend the night at my place (I’m 20, he’s 22)
Blow up on me over minor stuff then blame me.
Enforce an 11pm curfew.
Use giving away my dog and/or my cat (or worse) as a scare tactic.
Attend all my doctor’s appointments and does not allow me to speak I have considered going to the police about some of the things they do to me, but I don’t out of fear that they will cut me off or worse.
They have threatened to call the police on me multiple times, accusing me of displaying dangerous behavior when I’m upset, which I do not do.
I have a lot of psychological scars from them that I’m not sure will ever heal because they keep reopening the wounds. My mom is especially bad, but she acts like an angel around my boyfriend.
© Photo: ravenpuff21
An American study of adolescents tracked the same people across years and found a 63% increase in depression between 2009 and 2017, and a 71% increase in psychological distress among 18- to 25-year-olds across the same period. That alone is a major reason for concern. Then, researchers started identifying the same pattern.
They saw a generation that was watched too closely, managed too thoroughly, and shielded from too much ended up significantly more anxious and significantly less equipped than the generations that preceded them. All that careful, loving, well-intentioned looking after produced some of the most psychologically fragile young adults on record. The protection just delayed the moment they had to face the world without a buffer, and made that moment much harder when it arrived.
#7
My mom keeps saying that's she's going to live with me when I move out...
Idk what to do. I'm 23 years old rn and living with my mom (graduate student). My parents have helicoptered over my whole life. I could rarely have friends over, I NEVER went to anyone's house, If I stay out past 6pm my mom starts losing it.
She lost it when it hung out with my adult sister past midnight. My dad has been trying to control my career, my school, where I go, where I will eventually live etc.
Now I have endured this because I know at some point I'll move out and be able to try being my own person for once. And then she said it. "I'm going to live with you when you move out" and my dad is all for it. Noooo. Why. Why. Where is the logic?? And this isn't a joke, I know she means it. At some point you have to let go, not hold on tighter.
Now if she was sick I would understand but that's not the case. She wants me to get married but she also wants to live with me???? I don't understand. Sorry for ranting.
© Photo: sammysummer
#8
My parents don’t like my fiancè because he sets boundaries with them.
He doesn’t react when my mom flips out, which makes her mad. She even made me kick him out of the house once during one of those situations.
My mom wanted to know what his salary was, and he wouldn’t tell her. That pissed her off.
He doesn’t want to talk to them about us getting married, because they’ve tried to break us up in the past (it didn’t work). My mom claims that has never and will never happen, but he and I both know it’s happened multiple times.
I get tired of hearing her talk about him the way she does. She tries to make me think he’s a bad person, but he’s not. I’m just ready to get married and get out.
© Photo: selection_invalid
#9
I sometimes feel like my mom doesn't even recognize me as a person, but merely as an extension of herself.
There's too much to say why I feel that way, but... it's a feeling I constantly have.
Today my mom got into raging fit. Want to know why?
Because of the way PE works now in unis, we're going to have it online. So, instead of normal lessons, we will have to do runs/exercises per week. We're going to have run 15km run every week, and submit the results from the application to the professors.
So she got into raging fit. Saying that she won't allow that (?!), that she won't let me (?!), that I'm not going to do that, that they may run themselves, etc.
But things like that happen all the time. I can't do anything that could "inconvenience" her, which is, well, anything.
I'm having a lot of troubles in school. Mentally I feel like shit. But she had never asked me about how I feel. I got only shouted at because the thought of me failing is too much for her. Because then she couldn't brag how "good" I am.
I just really feel like she doesn't even see me as a person. I'm merely a tool so that she can feel better.
The mental damage starts earlier than most people expect. A landmark developmental study tracked children from toddlerhood and found that overcontrolling parenting at age two was directly linked to worse emotional regulation by age five, and lower social skills and academic performance by age ten.
At two years old, the child cannot yet form a complete sentence, and the hovering is already doing measurable damage that won't show up visibly for years. By the time a teacher flags that a ten-year-old is struggling socially, the origin point is eight years back, in a living room where a parent wouldn't let them struggle with LEGO on their own.
#10
Helicopter parents and the fear of living they give their kids
My parents have always been the overbearing protective types. Constant “No you can’t go here alone! What if you get kidnapped???” my MoM once said to my therapist ,completely serious, “No I can’t let her go out with her friends, I’m not Liam Neeson I don’t have those skills”(referring to the movie taken). This was an ongoing thing from the day they had me until I turned 18.
I’m 19 now, and I feel like growing up like that has instilled me with so much anxiety about things out of my control. I hate driving because of this and I only go out now if the vibe is right. With that being said I’m very much a homebody, my problem is that I don’t know where the introvertedness stops and the intense anxiety bestowed on me by my parents starts. I want to be a normal teen and go out and enjoy life so bad. Any advice on getting over this hurdle would be so helpful.
#11
Quarantined with helicopter parents
Hey all... I’m 19F, living in Michigan which is now a hot spot for cases of COVID19. My university is closed (online only), and my work is shut down as well. I have no excuses to leave my house (no school or work). I’m stuck at home with my parents. My mom barely leaves the house (48F, stay at home mom) and my dad has been working from home (53M). For reference I’m the only child living at home.
It just sucks soooo bad to not have any time alone. I can’t focus on my schoolwork when I have my name being yelled from downstairs every 15 minutes. I respond only to get “just checking on you!” Or one of my parents asking for a pointless task (ex. “Can you grab my water from the kitchen” where I have to leave my schoolwork, pause lectures, walk downstairs, get the water, and take it to the living room where my mom is.) I’m also not allowed to have my bedroom door shut.
It’s so annoying. I have no alone time. No peace. No room to concentrate on my schoolwork for any period of time longer than 15 minutes. I tried talking to my mom about it. Told her I needed space. She responded with something along the lines of “the house is huge you have plenty of space.” When I said I needed space from her, she accused me of not loving her.
Please give advice! For those of you who are quarantined at home with helicopter parents- what are you doing to cope? I’m desperate.
Also, for reference- I have a sister (29F) who is married and has her own home. She is worse than both parents combined. Oftentimes I have her FaceTiming me every hour & I’m not allowed to reject her calls.
#12
They want us to hate them
I honestly think back at my teen years and I remember all the tears they caused. I remember all the embarrassing situation they put me trough.
I remember watching a movie with my girl best friend at the age of 20 and my mother showing up at her house just to make sure I was not with a boy, and to find out she was tracking me on her phone.
I remember the days my step dad called me a wh*re because I had a boyfriend.
I remember lying because the truth was a lie to them.
I remember all the times they disconnected my phone, my internet, and my life. They blocked all my friends phone numbers to the point that I didn’t have any friends. I was alone.
It made me depressed. I was at home crying all day. I was depressed. They ruin a relationship for me. They ruined it! They embarrassed me! I hated being their only child. I felt stuck ! I’m free now, but not from those memories.
The adult version is where it becomes truly visible and, frankly, where the stories in this thread flourish. Psychologists describe the long term product of helicopter parenting as psychological entitlement. Young adults who externalise blame when things go wrong, expect preferential treatment as a baseline, and struggle badly in relationships and workplaces where nobody is managing outcomes on their behalf.
The transition from a managed childhood to an unmanaged world is brutal for these people, and it's brutal not because they're weak but because they were never given the conditions to develop strength. They were kept too comfortable for too long, and comfort is not the same thing as preparation.
#13
Just blocked my parents lmao
Long story short they're very demanding to have contact with me on the regular, even though I've repeatedly tried to set boundaries and tell them it's not convenient for me. Dad bullied me into planning a phone call for tonight, but I've spoken with my therapist and I'm just going to text them that I'm OK (checking on my wellbeing is their main excuse lol) and I'll speak to them soon. I'll call them on Saturday like I originally said. Expecting a big blow out and threats but they have literally zero rights to me now.
I'm 24 and have been moved out over a year, not counting university. I'm sure they do worry about me, but it's not my responsibility to handle their emotions, which they forced on me my entire childhood. They need to find ways of managing their lives as empty nesters.
#14
I just got yelled at for wanting to go for a walk.
I'm 19, it's 15:30.
I just got shouted and yelled at by my mom, because I wanted to go for a walk because the weather is best since a looong time.
I heard how stupid I am because nobody goes on walks on Sundays (?) and that all shops are closed (because to her you go out only when for shopping), and whether I'm mentally retarded.
And when I just tried to end the topic saying that okay, I won't go out, I've heard that I'm mad at her and I should behave.
All of this because I wanted to go out for a walk. I'm 19. I'd be in home in half an hour.
#15
I keep forgetting I can’t tell my parents anything
I’m 27 years old and got a new side job yesterday to earn a little extra. In my excitement I made the mistake of telling my parents.
The job is Instacart/Shipt. My mom had an absolute fit and guaranteed I’ll be dragged into a stranger’s house to never be seen again. I told her I’ll stick to nice neighborhoods and only deliver during the day but it didn’t make any difference in her eyes because “I’m just a child.”
She told me she’ll never trust me again and that I’m incredibly stupid for even considering this job. After “protecting me all these years” I’m going to ruin all of that by “getting my life ended anyway.”
Mary Ann Little, PhD says that "parents must protect their child when the threat is dangerous but allow negative outcomes when painful but not catastrophic." It sounds simple because it is THAT simple. Save the big interventions for the really dangerous moments, the ones where a child cannot be expected to navigate something alone.
Let everything else happen. Let them fail the test, lose the argument, fall out with the friend, and figure out what comes next. Those experiences are not the enemy of a good childhood. They are the entire architecture of one. The helicopter parent, in trying to eliminate every difficult moment, accidentally eliminates the very moments that build the person their child needs to become.
Are you a product of helicopter parents? Share some of your trauma with us in the comments!
#16
My mom gets mad at me for sleeping with my door shut
I am 21 years old moved back home from college for the quarantine stuff and I live upstairs in my parents house. I close my door everyone once in awhile and especially when I am going to go to bed. My mom throws a whole fit! Saying I don’t need to be doing that... sometimes I lock it too. Man does that make her furious. Anyways just a whole yikes.. I don’t care if she gets mad I’m closing my door. Let’s hope she doesn’t take it away. ( I actually didn’t have a door added onto my room until I was 19)
#17
Is it normal for a parent to expect their adult, newly married child to call everyday?
My husband finally had some free time this weekend (he works all the time). So I spent all weekend with him, and did not call anyone. I ended up getting a text from Hparent wondering if I was okay because I hadn’t called all weekend.
I wouldn’t be as opposed to calling if every conversation wasn’t 30+ minutes. I always have something I need to get done and I’m like “okay well I’ll talk to you later” and then that gets ignored and my Hparent just continues to talk and talk until they feel like getting off the phone. I don’t want to be rude and just hang up though.
#18
I don't have my own room
I always sleep in my parents room, which is technically the whole family's sleeping room (saying bedroom feels too personal which it isn't) and its so draining to my own personality cuz I never have a personal safe space. As a result I get sleep/body clock problems cuz I feel like they watch me in my sleep too and I can't fall asleep normally. They force me to have the same sleep schedule as theirs and blame me for not following even though I physically can't.
If I stay up then they get mad since they 'don't know what's happening/what I do' when they're asleep, but its just always me playing minecraft to have some sort of peace when they sleep. I always feel like I'm watched when they're awake, intensified more because I stay at either the living room or the dining room, which they both frequent. So having that extra me time is a godsend.
I've asked to have my own room (there's a room which we use as a collective changing room/closet/storage which is the only room that I can have) but they never follow up. If I fix it myself they'll get mad that I'm throwing out their clothes even if I tidy it up and put it in their own room. I have my own corner in the living room but I can never get any work done or I half do it because it stresses me so much that someone's watching me when I do work, or even when I try to paint or draw, they'll give me condescending comments and its why I've resorted to just playing games which they cant control the content of because they don't know about what it is.
I feel like I can never have the freedom of self development and I'll always do the same things over and over just because it's my escape. It's so frustrating since I'm very curious and hands-on on everything I find the slightest interest in and having it suppressed rips me of my creativity and personal self.
#19
I was just allowed to go to my first "Highschool party"
My mother goes literally everywhere I go. She drives me everywhere(since she wouldn't buy me a car or let me get my license until after I graduated). And she always comes in to make sure nothing to her dis-likeness is going on before telling the adults in charge to make sure I don't do certain things. Well I got invited to a graduation party from an old friend and my mom told me I had to go because our moms are good friends and my mother wasn't going to go alone. Well I guess she didn't realize it was going to be an alcoholic party until we were there.
I went hang out with the other teens while my mom went with the other parents and she watched me through the windows the whole time. At some point my mother and my friend's mom were going to go back to the friends house and I got told loudly, in front of everyone, I wasn't to drink, smoke, or leave until she came get me. Not like I was going to do any of that but she didn't have to tell everyone. I later found out that she told some of the other parents to watch me the whole time to make sure I didn't drink.
#20
Lost my husband. Mom is staying with me. She's ruining my grief.
Husband passed away unexpectedly on Oct 21 at work. They're still investigating the cause. He replied to my text at 2:30 and at 3:30 they found him at his desk as if he had fell asleep at his desk. His snack finished from his break and in front of him. He was 50 and my soul mate.
Being an only child and traumatized by his death, I called my mother to come and stay with me. I didn't know what else to do. My friends are mostly online. And my best friend was my husband. Who do you call when your first call is usually your husband and you can't call him anymore?
My in-laws have been nothing but supportive. Telling me to think about myself, do what feels right, and do things for me and my husband to process my grief the healthy way.3q
My mom on the other hand only thinks about the financial side of it. OMG don't order Uber Eats too much. You should cook. (With what energy mom? I'm exhausted and don't feel like doing anything)
I mentioned wanting to buy a few items for an altar where his ashes will be. Oh wow, you must be rich! You should really think about your future. I don't think your in-laws are the ones who gonna pay your rent now! Like 10 dollars items on Amazon. A big deal for her. Telling me what I should and shouldn't do.
And being on my butt constantly. Don't put the recycling there. (In my own house) Don't wash the dishes like that! Omg your fridge is so dirty. You should clean it. Idk mom, I've been pretty busy crying every day for the past few weeks.
If I wanna go for a walk. You should put socks on! You should wear a warmer coat! You should wear your hair in a pony tail! Don't forget to tie your shoes!
Idk mom. I'm 43 and I've been married for 17 years. I think I know how to live a life as an adult.
I left my hometown and her house when I was young cause at 18 I wasn't allowed to use the stove.
I'm thankful she's here cause being complete alone would be horrible but my God her attitude as an helicopter parents who, according to her, only does what she does because she caaaaaaaaares.. Extremely exhausting. And there's no having healthy conversations either with her.
#21
The S*** hits the fan today.
Our relationship with my wife's parents has been a really rocky one for most of the 15 years we've been together. Even their grandkids don't like them. We do not get along.
They are as judgmental and self-righteous as they come and I rail against that kind of treatment. Politeness is all I ever afford them. I will argue to my content and stand my ground, firmly. And they hate that I'm not just obedient and compliant. Oh, and that I talk to them like equals.
Today, they're visiting with the intention of "talking about things," which has always and always meant, "telling you what we want, what you should be doing, and what we'll do if you don't comply."
I ran completely out of fs last month when last we argued and I have a diagnosed anger problem. I do not expect this to be a fun day. I expect I'm going to end up going on an angry, long walk.
Details later!
#22
I think my wife needs help.
I think my wife is a helicopter parent and needs help. She is obsessed with our children especially our oldest He is in his early 20's and lives at home.
He was in and out college but is now working with a friend of the family doing construction. He had some issues a few months ago where he had been mixed up with some bad kids but seems to be in a better place now.
The issue is my wife. Whenever he goes out she is tracking where he is going and when he is somewhere that she is unfamiliar with wants me to go and see what he is doing.
I believe he needs to have some freedom and needs to learn on his own. He is going to make mistakes and do some dumb things that's what kids do. At least that is what I did at his age and I think I am better off for it.
He threatens that he is going to move out but we know it is unrealistic because he does not have the financial means to afford somewhere to live. I want what is best for him but she doesn't understand that he is going to resent everything she does.
She has his best interest at heart and loves him very much but I don't know how to tell her she needs to cut the cord and let him be his own person. I feel like once has the financial strength to afford an apartment he will be gone and shut her out of his life forever. She would be devastated if he ever left. i don't know what to do.
#23
Just venting. Today I’ve found out my mother lied and tried to bribe doctors "for my sake"
I’ve found out my mother has lied to many doctors throughout the years, to get me diagnosed with Autism. She’d say stuff like "he’s never had a single friend" "he always struggled with reading", and "he gets aggressive when something is an inconvenience". All that stuff is completely made up.
I found out about this, after coming across old medical records, where the doctors described what She said.
I confronted her and she reluctantly told me that she tried to bride a doctor as well, but he got angry and told her to leave.
She said she did all of this because she would know me better then those doctors, and was sure I always had autism.
She said a Autism diagnosis would help me in live, as she thought teachers would give me better grades "out of pity".
She refuses to see why what she did was wrong...
Edit: just to be clear, I’ve never been diagnosed with autism, although I’ve been diagnosed with ADD
Another short story:
She also secretly put ADD medication into my food, which made me think I had cancer or some illness, since I couldn’t explain the side effects the medication (which is basically a strong diet) caused.
#24
What long term adult trauma your helicopter parents caused you?
I am 26F living without my helicopter parents. I wanted to share the adult problems this parenting style affected me long term:
Trauma1: I am always afraid to take a decision and I doubt my decisions. PossibleCause1: All my life my parents made the decisions for me. When I wanted to make a decision for myself, they always told me that they know better and always want to take the best decisions for me. This made me quite incapable of taking a decision for myself.
Trauma2: I can't and I don't know how to stand for myself. PossibleCause2: In order to avoid conflicts and to please my parents I always was a "good" kid. Never went to parties, never smoked, never skipping class, never staying outside late and always telling them where I am and what I am doing.
Trauma3: Even if I have a good job and can take care of myself, I have anxiety and I am afraid to face the real world. PossibleCause3: Helicopter parents induced me so much anxiety. They always seemed so afraid for me and always overthinked the worst scenarios that can happen. This also induced me anxiety. I feel like I missed so many growing opportunities because of them!
#25
How do I (19f) maturely ask my parents to stop tracking my phone?
I live on my college campus around an hour away from home. My parents track my every move. They say its because of "safety reasons", but my dad loses his mind every time I'm out past 9:00PM, so I know he's constantly checking my location. I just want to go out with my friends, go on a date if I want to, etc., without them knowing about it. I need boundaries, but every time I bring that up they just say "if you didn't have anything to hide then it doesn't matter if we track you." I'm almost 20 years old and it's so embarrassing when my parents call me all angry when I'm out with my friends. I just want to live my life.
#26
My mother spied/stalked me
So my mom was a helicopter parent right up until the day she passed away. One of the things she used to do that angers me the absolute most is she used to spy on me and stalk me. She didn't have to on my first job bc she would actually call my boss and the only other coworker and talk to them. But once that job ended she would drive around my job at a telemarketing place.
How I caught her on that one was I was outside once in the picnic area for lunch when she drove in the parking lot. The next time I noticed she got worse when once I was working in the mall and for a brief period she had to drive me to work due to me getting into a car accident and was without a vehicle. My store was on the ground floor and when I went for break I saw her upstairs looking down at my store entrance and it was no where near time to pick me up. Next I worked at a hotel and sometimes had to do the overnight shift. She would drive the parking lot and they also got a friend of my dads who was a security guard to work my hotel and shift. Another time I saw her drive passed my boyfriends house for no reason. All of this was after i was 18 years old.
#27
I spent almost my entire youth in front of a desk ... now what?
22 now. From as far back as I can remember I've spent most of my free time either studying or browsing the internet. I did as my parents expected, never stayed up late, almost never went to partys, barely made any friends because I stayed inside and spent very little time with those who I found, have been lonely all the time from school to university and the list goes on.
Soon my studies are over and I'll have to start to work. How? I don't have life skills. I have never enjoyed my youth. I've been stuck at home before but Corona drove me insane. I can't conecentrate on studying anymore. Whenever I try to concentrate, I feel bittered and miserable.
I don't have any life of my own. I don't have privacy. I don't have peace of mind. I'm stuck at home with my family with literally nowhere else to go. They don't understand me, whenever I try to open up about my issues they either don't take me seriously, downplay everything or even make fun of me. I sure am grateful for those things my family gave me. They love me and have good intentions. But good intentions for one don't neccessarily lead to good actions and favorable decisions for another. I miss freedom. I wasn't let to go study abroad "because it's pointless" (lel). I wasn't allowed to move into a different apartment that better suits my needs because nobody (was willing to?) understood why I wanted to move from a loud, hot in the summer single appartment into a student dorm that is in a silent neighbourhood and more social overall. I have to justify everything I do and list everyone I go out with (pre Corona). For many years I couldn't even talk on the phone without being bothered.
How old am I again?
Please don't do this to Your kids. Give them the freedom and privacy they need and let them become adults. Let them make their own life decisions. I generally forgive a lot but I can't imagine how to forgive for years upon years of manipulation and neglect. If it wasn't for my degrees that I got under pressure and neglect of most of my other needs, I'd consider the past 10 years of my life a total loss, time wasted!
#28
My current project with my therapist's help to create emotional distance from my parents
I'm new here but I figured this would be the place to share some progress regarding my relationship with my controlling parents. Short story is my mum is very emotionally controlling and smothering, uses me as her emotional crutch, and dad enables this because he doesn't want to deal with her meltdowns.
I've been seeing my therapist for a couple of months, working on my self-worth and confidence, and I've reached a place where I want to start making changes. I decided I want to talk to my parents every 2 weeks instead of every week. I tried this the last time, told them I'll talk to the in a couple of weeks as I'll be busy, and ignored their calls the week later. However, I received emails and texts from them saying they "urgently need to talk" to me.
So I assume a relative has died and call them. No, they jut wanted to talk. So they cried wolf, and my gloves are off. We had a chat and I said I'll call them in 1-2 weeks when I know what's happening with my work over Christmas. They start asking the awkward questions: "Why not? "Why are you pushing us away?" "Have we done something wrong?"
(I resisted temptation to say yeah, you sabotaged my emotional development into an independent adult.)
I just kept repeating my reasons and we've left it at that. And after their last manipulative stunt, I will NOT speak to them until I'm ready.
Tl;dr: Small steps, but I know I am entitled to my own life, and that it is not my responsibility to be emotionally available to them at all times.
Good vibes for all of you out there working at separating yourselves from unhealthy dynamics!
#29
Currently, I am 14. Idk if you would call it "helicopter parents" but I have a decent story.
Like I said I am 14 and I have never gone to a sleep over in my life, never really gone over to a friends house without them there the whole time, always yelled at if I do something wrong, and never gone to a store by myself. I am also not allowed to go around the block (.8 miles, my road is a square, one side being the "main" road) I have never gone on a field trip without them chaperoning me. I get tracked wherever I go. I know this because once I was at my grandmas and I went on a bike ride with my grandma and one of my parents called asking where I was. It has been like this since the age of 7. My parents would slowly let me do more things independently like play outside while they watch from the deck instead of directly at me etc. Ever since 7 it all stopped. Idk what I should do
#30
I'm not an adult, but is my mom too strict?
My mom is (in my opinion) very strict. My friends and other people aggree. Here are her rules: I have to earn video games each day. If I do good in school, I get 30 minutes. (I am homeschooled, btw.) I want to go to public school, but she won't let me. And, this is only Monday-Friday. (So, Saturday and Sunday gaming is nonexistant in my house.) I am allowed to play Geometry Dash and other games similar to it. I like MineCraft, but am not allowed to play in Easy, Normal, or Hard mode. When I was younger I wasn't even allowed to play Crossy Road. I am allowed to listen to music, usually, but it has to be Christain. (No swearing or anything inappropiate.)
Also, I'm not allowed to swear, or say anything inappropiate. I have to go to Youth Group every Wednesday, and I have to go to Church every Sunday. Me and my mom have to spend an hour a day reading the Bible. (I'm not really very religous. I'm forced to be, though.) Also, I have to pray before every meal. I'm not allowed to watch movies with swearing or anything inapporpiate in it. I'm 14 and not allowed to get a job... My mom says I'm not responsible enough. So, is my mom too strict? (Btw, my dad isn't that strict, but he goes along with whatever my mom says.) Feel free to ask me any questions about this. Btw, I'm not even allowed on Reddit. I'm sneaking this post.