From time to time, medical professionals may need to have difficult conversations with patients. When they do, they need to choose their words carefully so they don't make an already painful situation worse. Sometimes, that means biting their tongue about certain matters.

Of course, many of them couldn’t keep these words to themselves forever, so they shared them anonymously in a recent Reddit thread. As someone outside the medical field, you may find these responses offer insight into the many heavy responsibilities those in the field carry.

If you work as a healthcare practitioner, feel free to share your own experiences in the comments below.

#1

I don't care equally about all patients. Drunk driver who drove into a tree and got paralyzed? Don't care.

3 year old who choked on some food, went into cardiac arrest, got recusitated and now has brain damage? You bet I'll be crying in my car on my way home from work.

#2

Midwife, not a doctor.

Sometimes I want to go full Gregory House and give them pamphlets to funeral homes for their baby when they refuse vitamin K. It's a vitamin. Have your opinions about vaccines, whatever, I give up, but vitamin K is literally *just a vitamin*. You eat it in your vegetables (presumably, you eat those). Babies DO NOT have enough of it and in 1 in 250 infants that don't get supplemental vitamin K it can cause FATAL BRAIN BLEEDS.

If you'd like to be the parent of one of those 1 in 250 babies, be my guest—you can always just make another one, right? Baby coffins are so cute too!

#3

“You should have worn a seatbelt.”

“You were too drunk to drive.”

“It gets better.”

I can’t tell my patients these things because I’m the pathologist doing their autopsy.

#4

There are A LOT of people in the wellness industry lying to you. A LOT. And yes, they are making money off the natural remedies they recommend for you.

Edit: I recently watched the show Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix and I highly recommend it. It was also very very painful to see, because several of the women on the show went through the exact same things I've seen my patients go through, including coming back to "conventional" medicine when the false cures prove ineffective and being scared and sad and angry when they return to find they can't get curative treatment anymore from doctors and thinking that doctors are punishing them for trying natural treatments first and not that the cancer has progressed to incurable stages.

#5

As a pediatrician: you need to parent your children. You think they have too much screen time? Take the screen away. Your kid has belly aches? Take the takis away. Your kid won’t eat dinner and just junk? STOP BUYING JUNK.

The number of times a day I have to tell parents it’s OK to tell their kids “no” is mind boggling. .

#6

Dont let a chiropractor ever touch your neck.

#7

That I would never ever say?

“You did this to yourself.”.

#8

If you aren't getting vaccines, you're a social parasite who is relying on everyone else to do their duty to keep you from getting sick.

Obviously I can't say this, so instead I try all the other appeals to reason.

#9

It really matters a lot when you want to give me a hug! We see so many people who are angry or upset, and it’s great to have a reminder that someone is happy we are here!!

#10

As a psychiatry resident: Some of you have anxiety and depression because your lives are just bad. I do not have a pill to fix generational trauma, narcissistic parents/partners, low socioeconomic status, and childhood trauma. I wish I did. I am sorry you are going through it. But you really need therapy, friend, and taking out frustration on me because the SSRI I prescribed isn't fixing it is helpful to no one.

#11

Our bodies are not textbooks, and medicine is not an exact science. We can perform all the available diagnostics, follow evidence based guidelines, and throw every treatment option at a patient, but there may be times we aren’t going to find a definitive cause of a patient’s symptoms. Other times treatments we usually prescribe may not work for certain patients.

That doesn’t mean we give up, but sometimes things can’t be explained in concrete terms. And we don’t have a magic wand we can wave and make everything better.

#12

1.antibiotics do not work against viruses
2. Wash your hands more with soap and water
3. Get all your vaccines
4. Many people, unless they live at the equator, could benefit from taking vitamin d
5. Go for a 10 min walk after each meal
6. If you are waking up to an alarm clock, you aren’t getting enough sleep. Fix that
7. Lift weights twice a week if ok with your doctor.
8. Get out of toxic relationships- they are hurting you
9. Don’t smoke, don’t vape, limit drinking.
10. Be nice to the nurses!

Edit- for number 4- talk to your doctor about getting your vitamin d levels checked, see where you are and get individualized recs. Good luck.

#13

Had to watch a guy nod along while I explained his heart meds, then immediately ask if he could swap them for essential oils instead. Swallowed that rage so hard it hurt my stomach. Just wanted to scream but kept my voice steady and 'professional'. The gap between what needs saying and what gets said is huge.

#14

Oncologist here. People cling to hope. I provide them with realistic scenarios, though I know with a relatively decent degree of confidence whether a treatment will work or not. Oftentimes I know when someone will be passing away even if they get the most efficacious treatment. Particularly when someone is young (think late teens, early 20s) and they strongly wish to try something, we honor that wish but we know deep down they will be gone soon. It’s not a secret we’re withholding from them. Sometimes hope keeps people alive longer.

#15

I think people are missing the “keep to yourself” part of the prompt.

I would say that their family members giving them questionable medical advice shouldn’t be trusted. I wish I could tell them their family members are insane lol

A lot of the time I’m just nodding along with whatever nonsense their SIL’s daughter who was almost a nurse said. If something comes up that actually seems harmful I will speak up and give some education. Otherwise I just let them ramble 🤷🏾‍♂️.

#16

* Diet and exercise. On a related note, almost nobody needs supplements: our problem is _surplus._ It's not a hard and fast rule, there are some vitamins that are worthwhile and menstruating women should keep an eye on their iron intake. Make sure you get enough calcium, particularly if you're avoiding dairy, vitamin D goes in here, as well.
* Preventative medicine. Your doctor's giving you good tips, lose weight, get your jabs, keep an eye on your blood pressure, lipids, metabolic stuff.
* Politics. RFK Jr. is a madman, and the government is harming you, if you listen to them.

I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm a trauma surgeon, but you can make a lot of headway further upstream by just doing the right thing, starting when you're young.

#17

My dad says it's difficult to listen to people who say they'd "do anything" not to face the consequences of not treating/managing their type 2 diabetes. Like "I told her she needed to change her diet and start exercising for years and now she's saying she'll do anything to keep her foot. I told her what to do for **years** and she still came in drinking a large sweet tea!".

#18

One thing my wife told me that really changed my view is she will definitely sign a dnr when she gets old enough. Like, a doctor SHOULDN’T tell patients that, it’s a deeply personal choice and they can’t push people to not try and save themselves, but the horrors she’s seen of people getting beaten just to live a few short weeks in absolute misery, it’s terrible.

#19

As a physiotherapist I wish I could tell my patients the reason they have so many body aches isn't because they turned 30, it's because they live a horrifically sedentary lifestyle. Doesn't matter if you were an elite athlete when you were 16. Once you sit for years on end those muscles have atrophied just like anyone else's. Even suggesting that more regular exercise could help gets met with so much pushback. They WANT it to be because they're "older", not because they sit down all day.

#20

Being overweight leads to worse outcomes in the hospital simply from logistics, irrespective of the disease:

- CTs and X-rays are significantly lower resolution
- Ultrasound/FAST is way more difficult
- IV access becomes a problem
- Intubating can be more difficult
- C-collars don’t fit
- Physical exams are less reliable
- PT might require more help just to walk you.

#21

Tell us if you didn’t take the medication, if you smoke, drink, use something else, haven’t been eating well, or if you did something you’re embarrassed about. Hiding it only makes it harder for us to figure out what’s actually going on.

Also, Doctors don’t know everything. Looking something up, asking a colleague, or saying “I’m not sure yet” doesn’t mean we’re incompetent. Sometimes good medicine is knowing what you don’t know.

#22

I’ve also struggled with my mental health.

#23

Stop telling me that you don’t take medicine because you only want “natural things” in your body — all with a Mountain Dew in your hand. Also stop telling me I get money from telling you to get vaccinated. Our clinic actually loses money but we supply vaccines because they work and are life saving. Also no I’m not signing your disability form because you’re pregnant.

Usually I just nod and smile because I’m running behind….

#24

I get this. I really do. However please don’t let the opposite attitude happen, where if someone is old you’re just kinda like well… they’re old! And then don’t treat them.

My grandma was 87, and living independently, super healthy, etc.

She ended up having a fall at her apartment. She was ok, and she wanted to go home. She enjoyed her life and her friends, etc. she just needed some treatment to be able to recover & go back home.

Well, the doctors at the hospital had an attitude of “well, she’s 87….” And they really weren’t helping her at all. She ended up getting moved to a rehabilitation place that had an even worse attitude. While she was there, she fell again which… they said she got up during the night and just tried to wander off and fell.

She said she didn’t, and they were actually taking her somewhere and had told her to get up in a way she was concerned about. She said she asked them and they said “no go ahead, you won’t fall” and so she did it and did indeed fall. But there were no witnesses and so the rehab place’s word won. They said she must have been confused.

Then the rehab place was even worse after that. She had gotten more injured in the second fall, and she said for physical therapy when she couldn’t do something the way they wanted, they would just stop trying and bring her back to her room. Where they’d set her far away from all her stuff, and she didn’t even have water near her.

She said they wouldn’t come for hours when she called (this one is 100% confirmed by people who were visiting her. The person visiting said she’d see her press the call button and someone wouldn’t show up for hours. The rehab place said she was confused and losing track of time and they were always responding quickly).

My grandma ended up passing away there.

She was 100% healthy before her first fall and she was in good spirits and wanted to live. She wanted to try to be treated and be given the opportunity to recover if she could. I get letting people go when it’s their time, but I don’t get just giving up completely when someone is older. If they want to get better… let them try.

I am still so upset about this. There’s even more to the story but I absolutely hate the attitude of “well they’re X age…” alright but it’s still your job to help them if they want to be helped, not just write them off.

#25

1) Patients need to take some responsibility for their health. Patients will come to me and become upset when I tell them I can't do something because their disease process is too far progressed - the time to intervene was years ago, or I can't fix their hernia because they are too fat - I'm not the one that made you fat.

2) Patients take advantage of physicians dedication and desire to help others all the time. Would you call your boss at 2am for a non-emergency? Then why are you calling your doctor at that time. I've literally had patients call me at midnight on a weekend trying to make an office appointment......

3) The hospital is not a hotel. The hospital is, unfortunately, not a place to get uninterrupted sleep. It is a place to get you better from your illness where we can actively monitor you to make sure you do not d*e. If you are feeling well enough to complain about the service you are receiving, then you are well enough to go home.

#26

If you have a child and they need surgery and/or have a serious medical problem, they will get much better care at a pediatric hospital than at an adult hospital that takes care of a small number of kids. Everyone at the adult hospital knows that and they can’t tell you.

#27

As an anaesthetist working in an OR and seeing a lot of bodies: bad hygiene is extremely unpleasant no matter how professional we are. Feet with long unwashed toe nails, genital area that is unwashed for a long time, lots of dirt in belly bottom and especially bad oral hygiene. Just brush your teeth and prosthesis. I don't understand how so many normal looking people take so little care of them selves. We generally don't care about fat rolls, piercings, tattoos, stretchmarks and how you look. But the bad hygiene gets everybody discretely wrinkling their noses.

#28

Not patients but other doctors. Stop shrugging young women off, just because they’re young. It’s not always anxiety and stress. Unfortunately we’ve never had more young women diagnosed with breast & cervical cancer, also, many different autoimmune diseases than we have now. If someone comes to you with serious symptoms and concerns, do something about it before it’s actually too late.

#29

Radiologist who reads the trauma scans after the first responders scrape what's left of you up off the road and brings you to the hospital. Stop riding motorcycles and e-scooters.

#30

Get to the point. I don’t need to know about things that happened to your neighbor/family member. I’d love to talk about things further if we were friends but this is work and we are running a business.

Just like you don’t talk the ear off of a cashier, don’t talk my ear off either. There’s other people waiting to be taken care of as well.

#31

Don't fall for a Medicare Advantage plan.
It doesn't matter what your blood glucose monitor says, drinking sweet tea and eating potato salad is not a good way to manage your blood sugar.
Prioritize taking your meds regularly. This is not negotiable.
Your obesity IS related to a lot of your health problems, and a lot of them WOULD improve if you lost weight.
Mental health is health. .

#32

I am an actual doctor. I spent all night with one patient trying to save them, finally figured out what was happening and stabilized them; now they're going to stay alive but they were absolutely crashing for hours and it was a complete nightmare. The child spent their entire time ignoring or belittling me, it was so wild. They told 4 different doctors before me to intervene and I was the only one who actually cared to go do it and spent my entire night without sleep and I feel great about it because that's just what I do, that's my duty, but the disrespect was profound; and I just wanted to tell them you know what your opinion doesn't count right now and you need to respect our policies, and no you can't go into that extremely contagious room without a gown right now.

Yeah, I couldn't say that, it would just look like I'm saying something for my ego to someone whose parent almost passed away. But trust me it was so enraging being treated like that by someone your giving it your all for and giving their parent life. But life goes on, a million show respect, who is the one to phase us in the good fight.

#33

You’re overweight because of your eating habits. If you lost weight your chronic conditions would be easier to manage.

#34

You don't need to be in the ER spending thousands of dollars for your non emergent issue.

#35

Your research isn’t as good as my research.

#36

I want to respond “no you’re not” to people who say they’re pretty healthy. 9/10 times they smoke and are obese.

#37

Write down your symptoms before the visit.

#38

The hospital is not always the “best” place to be for your issues.

Admission to the hospital does not mean you will get everything done faster or that we will find an answer sooner. Some of this is due to resources and some of it is financial. If I order that MRI scan “while you’re here anyway” to get it done it is the lowest priority and will be overtaken by any emergency that comes into the ER. Some of it is financial. Insurance may only cover some procedures if done as an outpatient. Sometimes the outpatient offices may actually have better diagnostic tools.

Sometimes we don’t get a clear diagnosis and we may not before you go home as long as you are improving.

A hospital is a place to address life threatening or organ threatening conditions. It is not a one stop shop to optimize all of your medical conditions before you go home. Staying in the hospital longer comes with a whole list of its own problems.

#39

I work in a rural primary care clinic. NEVER USE GARLIC TO CLEAN YOUR WOUNDS. I don’t have enough fingers and toes in my whole clinic to count the number of wounds I had to debride and dress just from the burns and eschar patients have because of it.

Your wounds are not meat to be marinated people.

#40

Everyone passes away. One day you and I will too. Please let your loved ones know your wishes. Ideally you have filled out an advanced directive. And if you do decide to be full code / full care, you understand the violent and brutal nature of CPR and how poor it's outcomes are. We may restart your heart but your brain is never going to be the same. You will not have the same quality of life.

Also, should you decide you want to he an organ donor know that your family are going to be approached by the organ procurement organization in the hospital during your critically ill stay. Many families are unprepared for this and do not handle it well. Discuss your intent to donate with families.

-an intensivist.

#41

If grandma broke her hip it’s probably Grandma’s last Christmas and you should plan accordingly.

#42

Not a doctor, but a nurse. I can speak for doctors since they feel the exact way. You can have the nicest patient, but the family is straight from hell and beyond plain stupid. You can tell them something over and over and they just don't get it. They tend to be disruptive and just rude to all the medical team.

Because of their behavior, no nurse or doctor wants to deal with them. Literally, the nurses will argue not to have them as a patient, so they end up with floats. The doctor wants them stable and discharge ASAP. You end up resenting them and not eager to go up and beyond helping them.

The family is actually feels that they are helping the patient, but it has an opposite effect. It is important to be an advocate for your love one, but not in treating the staff that are trying to help like trash. So, if you have a different nurse after one night with you, this tells you that they do not want to deal with you. List do get changed, but not that consistently.

#43

As an anesthesiology resident I wanted to tell patients in preop to leave and not let this particular surgeon touch them.

Oh and certain low cost insurance companies are absolutely responsible for slow rolling care which has lead to poor outcomes, particularly in oncology.

#44

There’s a large ophthalmology group by me that has a lot of name recognition. When I need to refer for cataract surgery, I really try to refer to anyone but them.

The results just aren’t good. And people are usually pretty disappointed afterwards. I think the lead surgeons used to be good, but… idk what happening over there now. Patients insist on going there despite my recommendations for literally anyone else.

The times I’ve tried to steer people away has resulted in them saying I’m biased towards others and their dads brothers dog went there and yada yada. It’s not fun.

#45

I have worked in many emergency rooms cities or suburbs that have lots of hospitals. Hospitals have different resources. Many times, people wanted to be at one hospital over another (because of a specialist available, etc), but an ambulance may have taken them to my hospital instead. Or they need a higher level of care or specific procedure and want to be transferred to a specific hospital. Well, in order for me to transfer someone, I need to get permission from a call center and an accepting physician, which can be impossible at certain times of the year due to bed availability, etc.

It can take me days to get you to the hospital you want. But if you leave against medical advice and uber the 20 minutes to the other hospital down the road, you will get where you want to go way, way faster and they can't refuse you if you walk into their ED

Also, most of your problems are due to your lack of activity, lack of participating in preventative care, poor diet, and obesity. I can't fix that today.

#46

Oof, you’re getting your surgery with the least competent/skilled surgeon in the practice … which depending on the practice is a non-issue to you should go somewhere else.

#47

ER Nurse, not a doctor, but: we can’t fix 30+ years of mistreating your body in one visit. Don’t be reactionary with your health when it’s too late, be preventive instead. Take care of yourself starting young to build good habits. Eat right, exercise. If you don’t want to be 65 years old with increased chances of musculoskeletal disease and / or general weakness LIFT WEIGHTS.

#48

You have an eating disorder and will need specialized help if you want to lose weight and keep it off. It isn't about willpower, it's about addressing the role that food has come to play in your life as a coping mechanism for loneliness, unresolved trauma, and the isolation of modern life. Whether you consider it "real" trauma or not, your behaviors show the results of what you went through. It's okay to ask for help, and if the first person you ask is a jerk about it, have a good cry and try again.

#49

I know you're drinking. I know you are. I don't need the lie, because I can see it all over your labs and I have access to your medical records for the last ten years.

I've literally had a patient tell me they are not drinking, forcing me to a get a liver biopsy to confirm my suspicion, had the biopsy confirm alcohol use and then they still lied for another few days until they caved and confirmed.

#50

The level of service that you will receive today will be the result of what your insurance company wishes to pay and not on what we actually want to provide you, unfortunately.

#51

FNS direct here, close to having my PHD in food sciences.

I made an amazing meal for my extended family, and my aunt's kid wouldn't eat or touch any of it. And she said it's because he's a really picky eater. And I ask him what he eats, and he says lunchables… And she said yeah he'll only eat lunchables three times a day. And I was like… He's not a picky eater. You just need to stop buying lunchables!!!!

Edit. There is nothing wrong with this kid. He's just bratty and his mother doesn't care enough to listen to advice. You guys act like there's no such thing as a bratty child.

#52

It’s a “yes or no” question, please answer yes or no.

#53

Your friends and family convincing you to take ivermectin in conjunction with, or god forbid, in place of appropriate therapy are ignorant lunatics.

#54

Not a doctor but I work in the admin side of the hospital booking patients for appointments.

The amount of times I want to tell a patient that "no your nail/hairdresser appointment is not more important than your appointment with the consultant" is mindboggling.

I guarantee you as well that those are also the same people who complain that they haven't been seen quick enough.

People can be so bloody ungrateful and it is ridiculous.

Also if i say "I'm not medically trained and cannot provide you with any test results" then stop bloody pestering me for them!

#55

You are not the only person here and that cardiac pt is in more need.

#56

That’s doctors are people too. We have families and health issues as well. And we don’t exist to be at your beck and call 24/7. I will do my best for you within my working hours but it is crazy that you get pissed when we call out sick/ have to reschedule you. Especially since I work in a non emergent outpatient speciality. “Oh but what if I’m having an emergency”. It may sound crazy but there’s literally somewhere to go if you’re having an emergency….and it’s called an emergency room.

#57

Many people with numerous unexplainable symptoms despite huge amounts of normal testing do not have a unifying medical diagnosis. While it's fine to keep looking, understand the possibility that some may be related to anxiety, depression, or situational issues. There are unscrupulous people who will overmedicalize you at enormous cost or risk. Avoid people on social media who have made their entire life revolve around being sick like the plague. (Despite what some people think, we do not take any delight in making people feel bad, and we do not deliberately hide treatments).

#58

Not a doctor, I am an RN. I would love to say that if you get out of your recliner and stop binge watching TV for hours on end that your health would improve significantly. Move it or lose it is a mantra for everyone.

#59

Not a doctor, but one of my sisters is a registered nurse.

She explains that one of the things she wishes she could do for a patient's family is apologize to them if the situation was determined to be terminal despite efforts to save them. The main reason she wasn't allowed to express her regrets, and this also applies to licensed doctors, is because there is a risk of malpractice, which is typically enforced by insurance companies. She is authorized to advise individuals close to the patient of the bad news, but she is not allowed to apologize. The reason was that the doctor or nurse may be sued for medical malpractice if it was misinterpreted as accepting responsibility, even if they had nothing to do with it.

She is also not allowed to declare someone died because she is a nurse. Only a licensed doctor can do it, even if she is aware of it.

#60

Yes you are going to wait a very long time in the ER when you come in for non-emergent/urgent complaints.

Will we still see you? Yes. But we see people based off of acuity, not first come first serve.

And yea, it will take 4 hours to get a CT scan to further evaluate your 3+ months of abdominal pain you’ve had. But you know what? It’s still faster than the outpatient work up you’d get that takes weeks.

So stop being an Ahole to us. We’re trying to help as best we can.

#61

Sometimes I really have to choose which patients’ problems are more pressing and/or life-threatening. It may sound harsh but there just isn’t enough time in my day to spend listening to every problem in someone’s life, many of which cannot be solved by medical science. I try to be fully present and give each patient the time and attention they deserve, but when we’re 30 mins into a conversation where you’re trauma-dumping and insisting I try to treat every single joint that hurts from your fibromyalgia… it’s just not about you anymore at that point.

#62

Don’t show up to your family member’s planned-well-in-advance-surgery day and ask 10 million questions five minutes before we’re supposed to roll in the OR. The time for asking a hundred questions is the preop appointment and it is literally why we instruct people BRING your caregiver(s) with you. Two sets or ears and brains are better than one and caregivers often have different concerns that are totally important. Also, I have no problem answering general questions but if you want to *fully understand* what’s happening and why, SHOW UP to the preop and actually be present, physically and mentally, at that time, and ask them then. The number of people who we’ve have never seen in years of treatment who we meet for the first time the day of surgery who act like we’ve just signed someone up willy nilly for surgery or act like we’ve not thought of all the things and want a TedTalk about why were doing things this way and not that way is astounding.

#63

It’s gross to chew gum with your mouth open.

63 Things Doctors And Nurses Would Say To Patients If Staying Professional Wasn’t Part Of The Job

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