When a relationship ends, it’s hard for both partners to admit what they did wrong. Perhaps they didn’t give their significant other enough attention, maybe they didn’t communicate clearly — there are many reasons why couples break up. But research shows that women might be disappointed by their partners more often than men are. In fact, when it comes to Valentine’s Day, one in four women have been let down by a partner not doing enough.

The guys might not know how they disappointed their partners, but for some, that clarity comes much later. In one online thread, men reflected on their past relationship mistakes after one fellow man asked, “Looking back at your past relationships, how have you been a [bad] boyfriend?” The vulnerability and emotional intelligence many of the guys showed in their stories are admirable — here’s to their continued emotional growth!

#1

I was selfish.

I didn't give her the attention she deserved.

I didn't take her concerns as seriously as I should have.

I refused to admit that I needed to work on myself.

I said terrible things in arguments because my insecurity made me hurt.

If you still read my reddit account, I'm sorry. For everything. You weren't perfect, but I was worse. And I should have made every attempt you deserved to keep and earn your love. You deserved more from me, and I wish daily I could have seen it at the time.

#2

I was a man-baby. Clinging on to my girlfriend for support, basically handing over to her all responsibility of dealing with my insecurities. Crying when things went wrong. Being extremely upset when she was obviously tired of it all, which she had every right to be. I was a jerk.

Trying not to be like this anymore, working on myself so that I take responsibility for my problems. Haven't tried dating again since the last few girls, but i think i'm at a place now where I could be a little more successful. Success requires failure. I just need to be independent.

#3

For most of my early relationships, I was at my worst when I realized that the relationship was going to end. When I sensed that one or both of us had fallen out of love or was no longer invested in the relationship, instead of just breaking up like I should, I started doing dumb things. Like with one woman who cheated on me, I started going through her phone while she was asleep. I realize now that if my trust issues were that bad, I should have just left. With someone else, I could tell that she had lost interest and was looking for the right time to break up with me, so I did things that made it harder for her to leave, like making serious/expensive plans with her months in advance. I should have just let her go. And at least once, when I knew I was no longer in love and wanted to leave, I stayed just because the intimate time was good. I still feel really bad about that because I was basically just using her for intimacy and I think she knew and just let it happen because she didn't want me to leave.

#4

I never used to say I love your or hold hands or be affectionate. I had a horrific trauma when I was younger that caused me to not like being touched very much.

In my current relationship I’ve made it a point to be affectionate and touchy feely, as this is the last time I’m going to have a relationship, whether it works out or not.
I’ve explained this to my partner too. It’s made me softer around the edges.

#5

I've only had one relationship, but expressing myself emotionally was a struggle.

I really couldn't express how I was feeling a lot of the time.

I couldn't share her interests at all. I'm a serious homebody and she likes dancing, clubbing, and all of that.

#6

I expected her to solve my depression. That wasn't her job.

#7

After my first Girlfriend cheated on me and messed me up big time. I was really jealous with my next Girlfriend. I ended up creating fake Instagram Accounts and texted her to see how she would interact with guys texting her.

She ended up finding out and broke up with me. I mean I would‘ve done the same.

Messed me up even more. After that I went to therapy and it got a lot better now.

Kinda nervous because current Girlfriend is leaving to study in Australia for a year. Hope that goes well.

#8

I'm usually a decent boyfriend, but I have had episodes of insecurity, clingyness and being emotionally unintelligent that ended up hurting my partner.

My first long relationship ended on a bad note because I was too much of a coward to break up when I saw it wasn't working anymore, so we kept it going until we snapped and it ended in tears and slammed doors.

Also this summer I was a jerk to a girl that really wanted to be with me, but I only saw her as a rebound. I didn't treat her like dirt, but I found myself being emotionally distant and not affectionate enough as I would be to someone I really like. Even though she knew what I felt, I still feel like I led her on and should've just stayed single.

Those are 2 episodes I'm really ashamed of, the rest were just awkward moments of me being an bumbling idiot. Thesr happened very often in bed.

#9

I have a problem losing interest in my gfs. Just recently ended things with my ex of 2+ years and been trying to get used to being comfortable alone. So I’m just gonna stay single, and work on myself until I cross paths with the right woman.

#10

I cringe when I think about it. I’m in my early 30’s now, but My first love/ longer term relationship in HS (little over a year long) was with a really beautiful girl. Literally a 9.5/10 both looks and personality, which was a bit out of my league for sure.

I was controlling and acted like a jealous weirdo. If she wore something too skimpy I’d call her out on it and guilt trip her into changing. I always wanted to know where she was or what she was planning on doing, what friends she was with etc. would text her a bunch when she wasn’t with me. typical over the top manipulating jealous bf behavior. I’d worry so much that she’d find someone better than me or that she’d cheat on me.

After I lost her, I realized how bad my behavior was and realized that it was due to my own insecurities. It’s not ok to do that to someone that you care about. I’ve never done that to another GF ever again and I seriously feel sickly embarrassed when I think back on it. If any younger guys read this, don’t make this mistake. It’s not worth spending any amount of energy worrying about things that are out of your control, or because of your own lack of trust/insecurities. You will lose her.

#11

Didnt call, show emotions, understand the situation, gave off the wrong vibe...

All those things happened, because I learned what I have to/should do, but the female parthers had much more experoences with those things, thus I gave off a player vibe in their words.

The biggest issue was communication, but on both sides, except they all wanted to talk when it was over and not durring, which kinda explained why they were the way they were and I was just another one of those that didnt catch how ooobviously they were giving me signals.

Not playing those games ever again. Intimacy is great, but being stress and at ease is something I value more these days.

#12

I’ve done the: ignore for playing video games too.

But also not contributing to household chores unless asked. I didn’t get why it was a problem, “if you want me to take out the garbage it’s fine just say so.” But nobody wants to constantly have to nag you to do things.

#13

As a boyfriend I was during my worst moments neglectful, closed off and selfish.

As a potential boyfriend (ie during the initial dating phase), I've been worse. Feigned continued interest when all I felt was physical attraction and had no desire for a committed relationship.

#14

Yes.

We were both horrible to each other and it basically stemmed down to communication issues. We were at two different levels in life. I wanted more freedom, independence and a relationship just her and me. She wanted someone who needed her.

Things really went down hill when I was able to hold down a steady job that paid well. She *did not* like my financial independence. I didn't like her sudden urge to make up on lost time from her younger years when she was burdened with kids. Partying and what not.

It's been near 20 years since. I've changed for the better for the most part. I wish she had, but I still see signs of her issues being present in her current relationship when I visit and spend time with her kids.

#15

Your post resonated heavy with me my friend. I’ve only ever been in one serious relationship and I was such a jerk to her. I’ll reflect back on the things I did/said and I’ll feel physically ill. This became a reoccurring theme for any girl I became even somewhat intimate with. Eventually they would all leave me and at the time, I always played the victim and thought I did nothing wrong.

As I got older though, I realized how awful I treated all of these poor girls who only wanted the best for me. I’m glad they left me, they did the right thing. It makes my skin crawl when I think about my old self and how I treated people.

I just wanted to say I’m proud of you for having the self awareness to look back on your past and realize what you did wasn’t okay. I feel like that’s part of this whole life thing. When you make a mistake, you reflect back on it and try to learn from it and grow.

Human beings aren’t perfect and make mistakes, so try not to beat yourself up over it. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve done “the one that got away” wrong like that. I struggle with that every single day and it s***s, it really does.

#16

Not giving enough attention when she clearly needed it. Held back my emotions because of that old clichê of "She's going to lose interest in me because I'm too affectionate and give her too much attention, so I should pretend that I don't like her as much as I secretly do and neglect her a lot of times." Yeah. Months after the breakup I realised that's exactly what ruined our relationship, and that the things she needed most especially with the things she was going through, was the most love, affection and attention I could possibly give. And even if she didn't need those, it was wrong of me to censor myself, as by doing that I was not being honest, not to myself and not to her. She didn't really ever know me because all I showed her was a version of myself that I created to fit what I thought were her needs, and in the end all she ever wanted and needed was what the true me was and had. Writing this up clears up a lot of things.

#17

I used to date this girl from college, Camila. She was the most sweet, cute girl I have ever known.
And during the whole time that we're together, I pretty much treated her badly, you know?. I would not respond her messages, was pretty pessimistic all the time and would drag her down.
Looking back, I see how much of a jerk I was. She deserved better and she got it. I regret the things that I did, and I am working on being a better human being and, honestly, I am happy that she got the one that she'd always wanted.

It's not easy trying to get better, but I'm getting there.

#18

I've learned now, and whilst yes I still have issues with my *mother*, she lied to me growing up and I realized at the time I couldn't trust women. My mother lied? What's to stop other women from lying?

I was just a huge misogynist, mixed with being Hispanic and being a machista culture. *I* was extremely toxic to my past gfs. I cheated on most of my relationships because I felt like my mother messed me up and now I had to teach a lesson.

I knew this was something I just couldn't continue doing because it was disgusting. I took time off to focus on myself and how to better myself, because nobody deserves that. I stayed single because I thought that truly I was way beyond the line or I had to atone for all those years.

I've been with my current gf for almost 3 years now and I feel like I wouldn't have been able to actually be happy until I realized how stupidly horrible I was. I look back at that time and I try to distant myself as much as possible, even from people who "enabled" my behavior.

#19

I don't spend enough time to be in the moment with her. I spent too much time planning the future and getting the destinations that I don't stop and smell the flower along the way.

#20

One of the things she told me after we broke up was that dating me felt more like being a mother than being a girlfriend, and I dwell on that a lot.

#21

Not opening up enough, saying "I love you", or being emotionally 100% in. I've been in 3 or 4 relationships up to 1 year in length, but I've never been in love, although they have. I've always been a "good" boyfriend, but I've never been able to give all that I want to give and fully commit. I always thought about buying "just because flowers" on my way to their apt but never did, because it felt too serious. I always wanted to say "I love you" but I never felt like it was 100% genuine, or maybe I just wasn't ready for the implications (i.e. that this is now a very serious relationship and we now *have to* get married or go through a devastating break up). I don't know. I don't think I have a good understanding of what being in love truly means.

I'm starting therapy next week to try to figure out how I can get over this hump and be the boyfriend (or husband) I want to be.

#22

Ooh where to begin

First proper relationship: I was selfish, cold, manipulative

Second proper relationship: Broke down and used her as an anchor,.

#23

Long ago, I was a bad boyfriend to several girls because I wanted to be *nice* all the time. It was important to me that people thought I was nice. So when a relationship wasn't working out great, and it was time for us to move on, I didn't have the guts or true compassion to break things off. Because that wouldn't have been very nice. Instead I'd purposefully act aloof, or disinterested, or annoyed, in the hopes that the girl would get the hint. It must have been very confusing for them. Of course trying to be *nice* in this self-serving way was the exact opposite of kindness. I was afraid to hurt someone's feelings, and that cowardice caused even more hurt. I grew out of that eventually. But if someone's reading this and it hits close to home, think about this! Breakups suck but people get over them. Do the right thing and be honest to people!

#24

My inability to be vulnerable really puts me in positions to be a jerk. I can’t and don’t reciprocate feelings and simple things in a relationship. Girls love me at first, only at first.

#25

Oh man. To be perfectly frank. I was a horrible boyfriend to two.

Ive dated 4 total.

First girlfriend I lied a lot too. Not a lot self confidences and it really made things ugly.

2nd girlfriend I poured everything into.
Tho it was a 6 month rebound with this beautiful girl who only wanted my money.

The third girlfriend I could of done better. She has a lot of trauma and a lot of patiences. It wasnt going to work out. She was driven to do anything but she was a sweet heart. I would check out other women. Hit on other women. I wanted a spicier intimate life. I wanted multiple women. But I gave up on her when she needed me the most. I let her down and I told her that as I broke up with her.

A lot of regret. A lot of learning on who i wanted to be with. A lot of pain that I dont want to go into detail. But i was an ex user. She put up with it.

Melissa Im sorry but you deserved better. And I am glad you found someone.

My new girlfriend is everything. I want to marry her. I matured and knew what to do and not too. No longer a womanizer too.

#26

Thinking back to my first relationship I feel bad about the discrepancy between how much my gf and I cared about the other. The entire reason I wanted a gf was to lose my virginity and be able to tell people I had a girlfriend, not for anything serious.

The girl I was with, however, seemed like she had some really strong feelings for me, and told me I treated her a lot better than any of the previous guys she had been with. She would constantly post pics of us on Facebook, always responded right back to my texts, and was completely willing to drive an hour just to hang out with me for a little while. She seemed like she was really looking for a serious commitment, and I was really just wanting a social capital.

At the time I really was not thinking about her, and I probably wasn’t really emotionally ready for a true intimate relationship. And as I time went on it just seemed like we were just two people who were dating cause we were afraid of being alone, instead of two people that genuinely just enjoy spending time with the other.

I’d like to be able to say I sat her down and straight up told her I didn’t think things were gonna work out. I’d like to, but I can’t. I just became less responsive to her and tried to give subtle cues I wasn’t interested in dating anymore, which now I realize was pretty much ghosting. She caught on before long and texted me to ask if I wanted to break up, to which I responded affirmatively.

I’d feel even worse about the whole thing, but it turns out she had been cheating on me toward the end of our relationship. Though I kinda wonder if she might have cheated because I was being emotionally distant and wanted someone to confide in.

#27

I stopped cuddling and being close to my ex a long time before we broke up. I basically pushed her away and she put up with it because she loved me. I should have ended things much sooner. I still feel guilty.

#28

I used to always think I knew better. Whenever I Saw a problem with something and I wouldnt tell her, kept it to myself and made a decision based on it.

I talked to other girls while I was with her too, for no reason, wouldnt tell them I had a girlfriend so they wouldnt go away too

Poor soul, I had told her from the start I was a bad idea, that She shouldnt like me, She never cared until it was too much, and even then she didn't want to leave

I thought I was protecting her with everything I Said and did, inclusing ghosting. dang, was I dumb

And about the other girls I thought well it's just talking we're just friends so it's okay - well that's what I told myself.

#29

Rather than just be upfront, I kept everything bottled up until it would lash out passive aggressively. Also, being codependent.

#30

I

* lied
* manipulated
* insulted
* hurt/offended
* neglected

her. She wasn't a saint, but she deserved something better than I offered her. Bless her soul, she was a genuine good person, she just met me at the wrong time. I feel bad about the whole thing and in retrospect, the best moments were getting together and breaking up. Too much lows and the highs didn't justify the hurt.

I'm only glad it's over bc I learned a lot throughout the whole process. But I regret not growing with her, listening to her goals and passions. Instead I tried to "guide her", as if I knew best. It was the blind leading the blind at that point.

#31

Ohhhh ya I've definitely been a terrible bf a couple times. I think one of the worst was letting my jealousy and lack of trust (which was half deserved) turn to anger and yelling instead of patiently telling my gf she was either being dishonest to herself and I or that she was being incredibly naive. Instead I had a bit of a tantrum or meltdown. But that relationship fell apart pretty quick due to my jealousy and insecurity issues and I learned a lot about myself in the process. Dealt with those insecurities and jealousy issues and also learned how to talk things through and set my own boundaries in relationships especially early on.

We're still kinda friends/ aquaintences and nowadays she's actually someone I really look up to. No romantic feelings though, she's just a total beast and strong af mentally and physically.

#32

I think the worst thing I’ve done was staying in the relationship even though I knew I wanted out. The relationship started great, but I eventually realized deep down it was lust, not love. I just didn’t want to deal with the break up and being alone. It was selfish. The problem is this led me to pull away from her. Show little to no love for her at all. She would always be upset about it and scared that I was going to leave her, but all I did was essentially convince her that she was crazy and that I was just a cold person who didn’t show love even though I felt it (not true at all). This last for a couple of years. I prolonged it to the point where I actually started to get mad at her just for being there. I never actually showed anger towards her but I would be mad in my thoughts. I was mad that I wasted years of both our lives. I was mad at myself for not being honest and ending it years ago.

#33

Couldn't bring myself to actually end the relationship and just sort of grenaded it from the inside. It's my biggest regret, she was an amazing woman.

#34

I’m an emotionally closed off person, incredibly lazy, and back then I was even more of a shut-in back then than now. With that mix of things I think it’s plain to see I wasn’t fit for a relationship (and prolly still ain’t).

#35

Thanks for this. It took me what must have been a dozen failed relationships to realize that I just wasn't listening - to cues, to body language, etc. When things went south, my go-to response was something like "she's just being crazy" or "she just wants to fight with me" or "she's pissed about something that happened two weeks ago and now's the time for vengeance." I can't go back to those situations, but when I recognize them these days, I'm more patient and more communicative.

#36

Too controlling. Trust issues. Not realizing how great it was at the time and regretting it daily now that I don't have it.

#37

I was a jerk of a boyfriend to "the one that got away", the love of my life. We were together for 6 years, and while we had our ups and downs, things really came to a head after my grandpa passed, as we were incredibly close. I began lashing out over *everything*, and i was stuck in a rut like that for a couple months. We went to a convention together, we got back, and she realized she just wasnt sure if we were meant for eachother.

I. Flipped. Out.

Nothing physical, but it was a loud enough argument that the cops were called by the neighbors for a domestic dispute. She left the next morning, went no contact with me a month after. My little brother wound up passing away not long after, and i wanted to just end it. If i had found out my I would lose my dad i probably would have. I continued a downard spiral for a month or so after. Started drinking heavily and abusing opiates. Failed an entire semester of college.

Anyway, because of my brothers passing, my father's work had provided him with the offer of family therapy, went and talked to the shrink a couple of times, and they basically said that i was above their pay grade and referred me to a specialist.

Turns out i have narcissistic personality disorder, ADHD, and depression. Been working on being better and committing to doing things ive always wanted to do, such as drawing, and playing piano, and trying to get back in contact with my ex. She really was perfect in almost every way, and i hope that all this self improvement might show her that I'm not the same.

#38

I was bullheaded, and insensitive. I was too focused in how I felt and instead of how my partner did. I was selfish, and I was blunt. I thought people needed to see things my way.

#39

Convinced her I was over my ex when I clearly wasn't. I let her get attached and then threw her away. I'm sorry.

#40

I had a relationship in which my SO wanted to see me a lot, I honestly couldn't understand why we couldn't just text and talk over the phone when she missed me. We only saw each other like once every 2 weeks and eventually she had enough and left me. I very recently got out of a relationship in which the tables were turned and I feel horrible realizing what it feels like to want to see your SO and them not really caring enough to put any effort in.

#41

With my first long term girlfriend, I was a bad boyfriend because I didn’t show her I was serious about my life. At the time she was career/future focused and I was not. I was living life day to day, playing video games online, sleeping in weird hours. It got so bad that we didn’t even go to bed at the same time. She would ask me to come bed and I would stall and keep gaming until late at night. Eventually she started hanging out with other people similar to her and that would in turn, make me jealous. Eventually she realized she couldn’t be in the relationship anymore. I now live a very organized/balanced life. I have a good job, apartment and sleep schedule and she has tried to get back together but there its too late, so it never happened.

Second long term girlfriend was married and going through a separation. We were friends and she persuaded me to date before her separation and I ended up agreeing to it and ultimately, giving her more of me than I should have. I think she was confused about her own life and thought she loved me but there was a bigger problem. Looking back on it, I was a jerk friend/person for not following my gut feeling and helping her realize this whole thing was a mistake. I should have never caved in and I knew it from the start. If I wouldn’t have failed her, maybe then we would be friends now. Maybe we would have dated later down the road if we would have done things on the right foot. I got my karma though.

Third - current girlfriend. I think I try my best to give her the best of me but just a couple of minutes ago we had an argument where I got upset over something she said. She said she didn’t mean to make me fee like I was attacked, but she feels like I don’t give her enough credit and that It was an old wound. ( I got upset because something she said reminded me of how my ex would treat me) So I failed her today by assuming she was like my previous girlfriend.

#42

Once I made her cry on her birthday and I cheated countless times.

#43

I was much more arrogant and self-centered when i was younger. So I gave my first girlfriend a lot of trouble for things I thought were stupid like her reasons for wanting to go vegetarian, the stuff that she was into, things like that. I tried to force my own interests and values on her instead of embracing hers. I really regret the way that I treated her. I was a huge jerk.

On the flip side, if we never messed up, can we ever become better people? But I still regret hurting people I cared about with my mistakes along the way.

#44

Vanity and paranoia.

I've always had anxiety problems including OCD, which makes me get so inside my head that I'll neglect people around me. This has made girlfriends have to walk on eggshells with what they say to not set me off. By that, I don't mean anger and yelling, I mean interrogation and paranoia.

"What do you mean by that!?"

"You mean I don't look good!?"

"You mean I did something wrong!?"

Etc, etc.

For a while this heavily regarded my looks. I come from two very attractive parents and had issues with my weight growing up. I became way too fixated on maintaining a good physique and felt a lot of pressure to match up to my genetic expectation. Anything, literally anything that suggested I may be unattractive or out of shape set off these neurotic episodes. My second girlfriend had to deal with this and was vocal about how hard it was.

#45

I was fed the old line “happy wife, happy life,” as advice. It turns out that I was trying to be what she wanted instead of being the best version of myself, which is what she (and I!) needed. Everything fell stagnant after a few years.

You can’t worry about making other people happy because then you’re living for them, which causes you to be dependent on that person. Your partner will see that and it will come off as desperation. Everyone who has seen it knows that desperation is the biggest turn-off in another person.

#46

I was selfish. I didn't think about how much it would mean for her to see me on any given day, I only thought about how I wanted to be alone. I didn't make an effort to accommodate her needs. I ignored them for things that would make me happy. I balanced my alcoholism with a relationship and drove away the best girl I ever had because of my dependency and stubbornness. And if I had the chance I would do it all differently.

#47

I was in a long distance (across the world) relationship. I was very clingy, we would call at least twice a day and I would get so much anxiety if she didn’t answer. I would get upset sometimes about her not texting back fast enough and that would turn into me just being a little jerk. Luckily for me, she was much older, more mature, and understanding. But she still got annoyed.

Now I’m much much better. We took a break for a while and we’re back together. We only talk a few times a week and I understand personal time and am much older and more mature. She is the love of my life, I’m so glad she is so understanding. I’m a much better boyfriend now!

#48

I forget a lot, I forgot plans we had made hours before, I would forget what she had said a day after she said it, I think I took the time we had together for granted, luckily we're still friends because she means the absolute world to me.

#49

1. I was fairly thoughtless. I still am. (This is part of the whole "I shouldn't have to ask you" argument that everybody seems to have)
2. I didn't set some boundaries that really should have been set. I was too easygoing about behavior that I couldn't abide in the long run.
3. I'd conceal things that I knew would lead to arguments. They weren't particularly bad things, but because of #2, it was just easier to avoid the fuss. All in all, just a stupid way of dealing with things.
4. When something is couched in the form of an ultimatum, I tune out completely. I have no patience for the manipulative ultimatum stuff, and I don't feel bad about that part... but some behavior led to that moment, and I'd miss that part entirely because of the way it was presented.

#50

I was very emphatic when I spoke, to where everything I said sounded like it was an indisputable fact. A lot of that was the tone in my voice, along with me beating subjects into the ground.

Couple this problem with me feeling someone their actions were “stupid”. I really hurt some feelings. And I’ve lost amazing relationships based on this. Including my 8-year relationship with my high school sweet heart.

I was a jerk. And had I not suffered such a loss, I never would have self reflected on it. This is why you HAVE to let some people make their own mistakes.

Note: I’ve sometimes had conversations with that ex. Or even had lunch, innocently (meaning I didn’t ask for anything in return). And apologized repeatedly. She truly was my best friend, and I acted like scum. I just wanted her to know, looking back, she never deserved to be so disrespected. And told her I squandered what could have been a wonderful relationship.

#51

Just realising how neglectful and self absorbed I was during our time together. But it made me look at why I was like that, so hopefully in my next relationship I’ll be more aware of my faults.

#52

I use to have a ridiculous temper and would argue for the sake of it. I would start the argument, then blow up and storm off. A real jerk. Turns out I was depressed and had been for a long time and it didn't manifest well. Ended up staying in a relationship I should have finished very quickly but ended up marrying them and having a child. It ended very badly.

One thing I'm doing now with my current partner is not having my own support network. In no way am I using them as my therapist or my sole support but I will just isolate myself when dealing with stuff. I'm in therapy but I find having a support network as a man in your late '30s is very difficult.

#53

Perhaps a lack of engagement, although I don't think that's specific to my relationships, just my entire life.

#54

Most certainly yes. Because I had, and have, very limited relationship experience. I made a lot of stupid mistakes. But my past relationships so did she. There could have been better more healthy ways for her to present my total ignorance, but she didn't. I think the modern dating situation has been running at the very sight of problems because people view relationships as too easily replaced. So there isn't any value on partners anymore.

#55

From what I’ve experienced this is a pretty common problem, but I have a really hard time saying the words I love you. In my household these words were very taboo and I never said them or had them said to me.

At 17 had my only real relationship, we were together 4 years, and among a few things I know I could’ve done better reflecting on it now, initiating saying those words I found impossible. If she said it I could, but I could never just.. say it on my own.

I still find it impossible to say, to anyone. it’s the only thing that I just, choke up at and say “ahh.. umm. Yeah..” at every time.

She voiced her concern at it and I acknowledged it, and told her I had a hard time saying it. She mostly understood as she knew my childhood background well, but that’s not enough. You need to know your partner loves you.

We grew apart from other reasons, but my lack of showing compassion/ visibly putting in effort surely sped things along. Still feels bad.

#56

Hiding my feelings and emotions because I was afraid to talk about things that might make her mad/sad.

Never works out in the end.

#57

Its hard for me to read this thread without break my own heart. I ve grown way past this now but remembering all the stuff that the people i love endured from me is haunting. To say the least..

#58

Terribly insecure and always needing reassurance she wont leave me. Being absolutely insane during the breakups. Constantly texting, begging to be taken back. Using being dumped as an excuse to use illegal substances and throwing it in their face that its their fault I got to become dependent again. Not anymore, I am changing. Now a days I dont do anything to stop her and go about my life the way I want to.

#59

So many things.

For one, communicating my needs and being vulnerable. I found some relationships lead me to feel very lonely due to either living in a new city, or work schedules leaving us with lots of time apart. I'd crave company or just friendship, which lead to emotionally detaching from my partner and attaching with someone else. It lead to cheating that I'm not proud of. Instead I should have asked for help, said how lonely I felt and tried to work through it.

I also failed to maintain relationships. I'd just get comfortable and coast, thinking it was all easy. In reality, I'd left the relationship to rot.

And just feeling the need to be in a relationship, regardless of being ready or not. I felt I wouldn't be taken seriously in my life without a girlfriend, and being single meant being unsuccessful (blame family members that were successful and found long term partners in high school as the influence).

#60

I had problems opening up and sharing and being honest with my most recent ex. We are all human, none of us are perfect.

#61

:-/ I feel like a jerk but aye, I’ll tell it anyways.

I could never just be with one girl. When I was single I would mess with a bunch of girls at the same time, and then when I would get in relationships I would still talk with the girls I had history with. So then I would cheat on my gf(s) and not give a darn. I would cheat with my gf with the side girls then break up with my gfs for the side girl. I’d then drop the side girl and go get my gf back.

If you put the cheating aside, I was actually really good to all of them which is prolly why they kept coming back. Like I could’ve been a great bf but I wasn’t concerned about that.

#62

I was insecure and I dealt that by making her insecure. Like if she was insecure than surely she wants me and I have no reason to be insecure right? And impulsive lying to cover my back about the smallest wrong doing. I honestly didn't really even realize it happened that way until she broke down crying about she doesn't know who I am because of the lying. So now her insecurities that I made are now coupled with trust issues I made. Oh and asking to be forgiven for things I wouldn't forgive. Also confusing healthy communication with just using my partner's flaws as an excuse to my flaws.

#63

I've bailed on really good women because I didn't want to face some adversity in the relationship. One very recently. I'm trying to get her back, but I think it might be too late.

#64

Demanded more intimacy from a partner whose intimate drive was clearly much lower than mine.

Stayed with a cheater GF but ended up just berating her for it often.

Told a girl I loved her because I felt bad about being honest.

I haven't been great, but I'm amazing in my current relationship. Attentive to all her needs, thoughtful, resourceful, charming, flirty, cute, all that nice stuff. I've been a jerk in the past but those were all just life lessons for the future.

#65

My partner has anxiety. Years ago she called me up in tears, having a full blown crisis.

I was half paying attention, because I was playing Destiny 1. I was a stupid kid then.

65 Ex-Boyfriends Get Real About The Toxic Traits That Destroyed Their Love Lives

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