Doctors and nurses see hundreds of patients every single week, and most appointments eventually fade from memory. But every now and then, a patient comes along who breaks the pattern.

For example, a doctor said he will never forget the 96-year-old man who still hits the gym multiple days a week and jumps rope like a teenager. A nurse recalled helping a hospitalized woman who acted like the fashion police, refusing to rest until her outfit was fixed and properly accessorized.

These and many other patient interactions were recently shared online, proving that it isn’t always complex medical cases that stay with medical professionals. Sometimes, it’s the funny, bizarre, and inspiring moments as well.

Scroll through to read some of the best anecdotes that show there is so much more to doctor-patient relationships.

#1

Covid days. Patients d***g constantly. Had a guy I really grew to like who was BiPAP dependent on 100% FiO2. He was not in good shape.

I remember his brother-in-law snuck into the hospital to bring him a beer. We caught him and he just asked to see him through the window, so we let him. It was rough times for everyone.

I could tell he was getting frustrated with not improving and having the mask on all day and night. I decided to have a talk with him. I told him that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I told him that he needs to look way down the road and see the big picture. Told him to hang in there and he’ll get better.

He was at a point where he needed to turn the corner and get better, otherwise he would be intubated and eventually d**d. Many had gone the latter route before him.

I don’t know that my pep talk was the difference maker, but I’ll be d****d if dude didn’t get better. He came off of BiPAP and eventually left the ICU. He got to hug his wife (which he said lead to significant improvements in his recovery).

We needed that victory for our ICU team. He was such a good dude, I just couldn’t stand to watch him d*e. When he left the unit I felt like we had won the Stanley cup.

#2

90-something old woman told me she got the absolute worst and devastating news from a cardiologist…”There is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart!”. Poor lady was tired of being here and unfortunately, a pretty healthy nonagenarian.

#3

Ran a call on a kid who had asthma with a bad exacerbation. Kiddo was bad off initially but we got him stable on scene before transporting him. While we were still there I talked to his grandma, who was taking care of both kiddo and her son who had cancer. Pretty obviously making it work on one income, exhausted and afraid. I suggested she talk with the hospital social worker when we got there and she looked absolutely terrified. I quickly realized my mistake and explained that it wasn't for CPS but to see if there were any home health programs she could qualify for because no one could handle all of that alone. I told her she was doing a great job and she deserved to be helped too.

She started crying and hugged me, repeatedly thanking me. It caught me off guard because I didn't think much of it, but looking back she probably hadn't had anyone ask her how she was doing in a very long time.

Health outcomes improve noticeably when a patient and a doctor build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and active listening. Decades of clinical studies prove that when doctors truly listen to their patients, people recover faster, follow their treatment plans more closely, and leave the clinic feeling heard.

In a survey by Harris Interactive, respondents who visited their doctors an average of 3.5 times in 12 months cited personalized care, time spent with their doctors, and empathy as the main drivers of overall satisfaction.

#4

"LET IT BE KNOWN, that on my gravestone - I would like a photo of THIS hospital, so that God can see I've already been to Hell and so he can't send me back there when I'm gone"

The patient was not d***g. He just reallyyyy hated the hospital. I 'let it be known' to many many colleagues, and now Reddit. My work here is done.

#5

96-year-old male patient. Patient looks like he is 70. Of course, most of us are instantly enamored because he has a heavy Scottish accent.

He had come in for abdominal pain and ended up needing a partial colectomy because of a tumor. POD2 he is doing squats in the hallway with his walker. He tells me he goes to the gym multiple days a week and still jumps rope. I am absolutely tickled that this 96-year-old man is winning at life.

I walk with him back to his room and get him settled for lunch and we start talking about Scotland. I had just visited a few years ago and was talking about Edinburgh's castle and the military uniforms with the kilts. He instantly giggles and belts out this dirty joke involving a kilted soldier and a woman checking what was under it. Cracked me up. .

#6

When I worked in a nursing home, we had a lady who lived there due to a TBI from a car accident. It was clear that she was annoyed with the situation, but she had very limited vocabulary after her accident. The other CNAs would just give her an outfit they’d pick out for her and if she tried to complain, they’d tell her to just deal with it. Well, I took it upon myself one day to go through her closet and have her help me pick out some things. I even pretended to strut like I was on a catwalk, twirled a little… anyway, she was cracking up and so happy. She threw her hands up in the air like, “THANK GOD, finally someone who understands I want to look nice!” So I made “outfits” for her by pairing her favorite pants and shirts and sweaters. She also had jewelry and hair accessories, so I helped her with those too. Later on, I found out that she was really into fashion and loved shopping before her accident, so I’d imagine she HATED when the other aides picked out a navy blue tee and navy blue sweats. My girl wanted to wear a cheetah print blouse and black slacks, “denim” bedazzled pants (pajama jeans I think lol) with a purple sweater, etc., and she wanted her accessories! I’m sure she was only mad after that because heels were still off the table, tbh.

(This was 10+ years ago, but she was in her mid fifties, so she was about my mom’s age. I just thought about the things my mom liked, and knew my mom would have hated wearing those sweatsuits if she wasn’t under the weather or cleaning the house.).

On the other side of the stethoscope, doctors need this human connection just as much as their patients do.

In a study of nearly 14,000 US physicians, about 80% ranked their ongoing relationships with patients as the most satisfying part of practicing medicine. Knowing a patient’s story, understanding their fears, and walking alongside them through a recovery journey provides the daily fulfillment that no paycheck or hospital metric can replace.

#7

Once had a patient with bipolar and occasional psychosis admitted to the locked psych floor of our local clinic-affiliated hospital after attempted excessive dose. He had spent some time intubated prior to his inpatient psych stay due to the OD and sounded pretty hoarse.

He called me from the psych floor and we had the following conversation:
Patient:“Hey Dr. F”
Me: “Hi Mr. K, how are you?”
Patient: “doing all right, still pretty hoarse from the intubation”
Me: “Sorry to hear that. Things ok on the psych floor?”
Patient: “Yea. A lot of people think I’m Batman. Like the Christian Bale Batman. Not the Adam West one. It’s the whole voice thing... I know I’m not REALLY Batman. At least I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure someone would tell me if I was... Unless no one knows I’m Batman”
Me: “It would be really cool to be Batman, but I can assure you that I don’t think you are either”
Patient: “oh that’s good news. That gig would be a lot of work. Maybe Batman is bipolar too and there aren’t any bad guys”
Me: “that... that’s actually a really thought provoking possibility”
Patient: “or... I am Batman”
Me: “...”
Patient: “just kidding. I just wanted to say that with the whole Christian Bale voice thing going on.”

I switched jobs and I’m not his primary anymore but I really miss the privilege of being his PCP.

#8

I had this cute lady with dementia. Frequent flyer. 100% independent. Used to wander the hallways in a bathrobe, slippers, and holding a newspaper. Fortunately, family was always with her so she never wandered too far. I miss her, she used to shake her newspaper at us when we told her to go back to her room after a while.

#9

Had a lovely lady with terrible swelling we couldn’t figure out. Turns out she had a thing for artisanal pickles, which she collected at fairs and festivals. She was eating “about 12” daily. Full size. Google says full size pickles are 500-1700 mg sodium EACH. She had no idea they were salty snacks.

Had another lady schedule an urgent appointment for leg pain that only occurred when she sat on her foot for 8 hours straight while crafting. I told her to stop it.

Beyond the emotional benefits, concrete scientific proof shows that deep relational care saves lives — and millions of dollars. Research led by Dr. David Meltzer at the University of Chicago showed that when patients see the same doctor over time, health outcomes are remarkable. Strengthening these personalized doctor-patient bonds led to significantly fewer emergency hospital admissions, shorter hospital stays, and lower overall medical expenses for both hospital networks and Medicare.

Patients also reported marked improvements in mental health and emotional well-being because they felt known, valued, and continuously cared for by a physician they truly trusted.

“To have a relationship is to mean that the big incentive is to want them to do well because you care about them and to have the time to really understand what that means and deal with it, because sometimes figuring that out just takes time,” says Meltzer. “When price is the only lever you have, you’re either paying people to do something or paying them not to do something. And it goes only one way or the other, more or less. Whereas when you have a relationship, there’s just so many more nuances.”

#10

We had a young man get shot in the chest. He arrested in the resus bay of our level 1 trauma center. Emergency thoracotomy revealed a small left ventricle wound and once that was addressed, we restored a rhythm. He not only survived the trauma, but he graduated high school, college, med school and went on to become an attending ED physician in that very same hospital. Still there today. Doesn’t get much better than that.

#11

D***g little old lady of some sort of end stage metastatic cancer. I think it was ovarian but I can’t remember. However, her time was nearly up and she had decided on no-more-transfusions. The cancer was untreatable and was starting to cause bleeds. She was mentally with it, but d***g of anemia plus a slow bleed.

She was in the hospital, which was where she had decided she wanted to d*e, and she had no family but she did have a visitor the day prior. On rounds the morning after the visitor, my resident (I was a student at the time) asked her who the visitor was.

The little ok dying lady looked this resident up and down … although he was none of these things, he did give off strong vibes of “innocent sheltered shy foreign exchange trainee”.

And then she proceeded to give him a lecture about the birds and the bees and how sometimes even when you aren’t in a committed relationship you might still have a gentleman caller from time to time and how this person who visited yesterday was a dear friend from the past of the bedtime varietal.

The more embarrassed he appeared to get, the more detail she would share, and by the end of the discussion she was laughing as hard as she could due to the absurdity of the entire situation.

Anyway she had a solid laugh at his expense (he took it on the chin), we all joined in, and then she died that night.

#12

No cover-up story, person broke his nose trying to see his own hemorrhoid. He climbed up on his dresser, bent over, and looked or attempted to look between his legs up his own backside. At some point, he fell off the dresser and broke his nose.

Did you know that doctors actually have favorite patients?

In a study published in the Patient Education and Counseling journal, 22 out of 25 interviewed physicians admitted to having favorites. For some doctors, these were specific types of patients they saw often. For others, they were a few unforgettable people treated over their careers.

Surprisingly, doctors said their favorites were not always the ones who followed every rule or shared their personality. Instead, these bonds grew over time — from one year to several decades. Many of these patients were very sick, meaning doctors saw them more often and spent more time helping them through tough moments.

“I think it would be surprising if doctors didn’t have favorites,” says Dr. Albert Wu, a professor at the Bloomberg School and senior author of the paper. “Doctors are human too, and as humans we like some people more than others — in both our personal and professional lives. We want our doctors to be humanistic, and patients benefit from positive regard. It is good to recognize it, to avoid playing favorites, which is different than having favorites.”

#13

I wasn't present for this one and it's not his explanation that was hilarious but it needs to be shared all the same.

So when a friend of mine who is also a nurse was working in an emergency department, a patient came in after having suffered a sub arachnoid haemorrhage (brain bleed) mid coitus. His wife was not present at the time...

They call his wife to let her know where he is. She's in the room when the doctor asks what he was doing when it happened. I believe the wife actually had to be restrained.

#14

ER and Trauma nurse here.

Had a drunk, rowdy fellow come in by EMS with a laceration that had nearly severed his a*s cheek in half. The wound was 2-3 inches deep at it's worst. He explained that "I was b*****g my super hot wife and I decided to try a wrestling move on her" (that is a real quote).

Apparently, he picked her up with the intention of body-slamming her onto the bed, but he was so drunk he toppled backwards... onto and then through a glass table near the bed. The doctors removed several extremely large shards of glass from his a*s during the closure process. He requested that I take pictures of the process with his phone, I was happy to oblige.

Turns out he was from out-of-town, the furniture was in a swanky hotel, and he had quite a long flight home the next day. I still wonder if/how he managed tolerate the airplane seats with 40 sutures in a*s.

#15

We had a man come in, brought in by ambulance. He was going through DT's (alcohol withdrawal). He was hallucinating heavily. However, we were all d***g laughing because he hallucinated an entire bbq. He was talking to people (hallucinations), laughing, drinking, grilling. He was describing the food. We had a great time listening to him laugh and enjoy this fictional bbq.

Physicians who admitted to having favorites were still very mindful of professional boundaries. They made sure not to socialize with patients outside of their practice or connect with them on social media channels such as Facebook.

On the flip side, when asked about more challenging patient interactions, physicians noted that those difficult dynamics usually stemmed from patients not understanding the limits of what doctors could actually do for them.

#16

A guy was admitted to my unit for weeks with a bowel obstruction. He was walking around like he was 9 months pregnant. A resident came up to put in a rectal tube and he rolled over in bed to assume the position and ripped the longest fart I have ever heard. Like, no joke, it went on for at least 5 minutes. His big swollen belly deflated like it was a basketball. He didn’t speak any English but was learning after being with us for so long. We asked him if he felt better and he gave us a huge smile with a double thumbs up. It probably felt incredible for him. And he got to skip the rectal tube so there was that.

#17

I worked for the overnight dr’s service. A patient called one night and after taking their details they simply said “I’ve got something stuck……….and it’s still buzzing”.

#18

A guy came to the ED a couple of weeks after a spine surgery to the back of his neck. The skin had heeled, but the soft tissues underneath hadn’t and they put tension on his skin. One day he bent over and felt “a tight zipper being released” and it was his incision opening right up. It was 3 inches wide, and it exposed the pearly bones going down his spine. His daughter said they looked like a string of a**l beads.

Another powerful element that keeps both doctors and patients going is a good sense of humor. Laughter plays a vital, evidence-based role in medicine, serving as a natural balm that softens the hospital experience and strengthens the bond between doctor and patient.

A survey found that 62% of patients prefer doctors who use light, appropriate humor during visits. A shared smile or lighthearted joke can instantly break the tension in a scary room, helping patients feel more relaxed and truly understood.

#19

Very old lady with dementia once told me that she can't look into my eyes, because since they are brown it would be the same as staring up my a*****e.

#20

A old guy came in with a snapped tibia. On history he claimed he was chasing a beaver out of the decorative pond in his yard, stepped into the pond as it had simply swam to the other side when he was trying to prod it out with a stick and it brought down its tail on his leg.

We took the history twice to ensure he wasn't trying to cover up some kind of crime, but nope just a man in his 80's that lost a fight with a beaver. This happened in somewhat northern Canada. Such is life...

#21

I read about this tale in the Canadian doctor humor magazine "Stitches".

A doc was working on a navy ship, and a sailor came to see him after shore leave. The sailor had his head hung, avoiding eye contact, and shuffled in... The doctor immediately recognized the look of a patient with an STD picked up while on leave.

The doctor was momentarily taken aback, when he asked the man "what seems to be the problem?", and the man responded "I have a problem with my foot."

"Oh? What's wrong with your foot?"

"My d**k keeps dripping on it.".

Humor also acts as an essential psychological shield for healthcare workers who face intense stress every single day. Doctors and nurses routinely handle high-stakes medical crises and traumatizing situations that put them at risk for PTSD and severe burnout.

Studies on high-stress professions — including research on firefighters — show that humor serves as a crucial emotional buffer between heavy traumatic stressors and job burnout. In the high-pressure world of healthcare, finding moments of levity is a vital survival tool.

#22

Patient was a plump, rosy-cheeked older woman with snowy white hair. Very sweet, very proper. She didn't understand what I meant by a 'bed bath' so I explained I would get a basin of soapy water and some wash cloths. She twinkled her eyes at me, patted my hand and said "Oh! You mean a w***e's bath!".

#23

I was a home health nurse to this almost 100 year old WW2 vet, he was such a lovely man though deaf as a door k**b. I had to literally yell at him every visit.

Anyway he asked me one day if I’d like to have lunch with him as I usually was in the area around lunch time. Of course I said yes because I could tell he was just lonely. We had lunch once a week every week for a few years, splitting the meals on wheels he had delivered (they were awful) and I would complete the paperwork while we ate.

He invited me one week to go to the local diner for a proper “date” and I was apprehensive due to needing to maintain a proper nurse/patient relationship but I obliged thinking “hell one time won’t hurt.” When I came to pick him up he was in a full suit, it was the most precious thing ever. We had a nice lunch, he was a proper gentleman of course, and the following week we went back to our regular meals on wheels lunch.

He will always be one of my most favorite patients, a kind man through and through. He passed away after a car crash taking his muscle car for a joy ride. I think of him often and still have the fake flowers he bought me for our date. I hope those lunches brought him the same joy it brought me.

When healthcare workers open up about their favorite patient memories, so many of those stories revolve around funny incidents, witty remarks, and absurd hospital moments.

Whether it is an elderly patient cracking a joke before surgery or a stubborn fashionista refusing to rest without her cheetah-print blouse, these lighthearted interactions cut through the dark days. They give doctors and nurses the exact dose of joy they need to keep showing up and caring for others.

#24

Taking care of a man just after surgery to have both testes removed for cancer. He looked up at me, grinned and said "Well? Did the surgeon give me two brass ones like I asked?".

#25

I had lovely patient that was admitted for induction for preeclampsia. It was her first baby. I admitted her in the afternoon and then had her back the next morning. Things were ramping up labor wise & we were also starting a magnesium drip (iykyk) for her worsening preeclampsia.

She was in pain from contractions, hot and sweaty from the mag, overwhelmed from both, starting to lose control a little bit.. she looked me d**d in the eye and said ‘Tinatac, remember the person I was yesterday.’

It just cracked me up. She was great.

#26

I was painting my patients nails because she was going out for dinner the next day for her birthday. She had a few options for colors but ultimately went with this nice cherry red color. As soon as I was done, I ask what she thinks. She took one look and said "oh wow, I look like a s**y s**t. I might come home with two men".

#27

Lab here. I was drawing blood from a passed out drunk guy. A seasoned nurse was showing a new nurse how to put in a catheter. She got to the part where she was supposed to insert the catheter. She told the new nurse to grab the p***s “like you’re choking a chicken “. And proceeded to demonstrate. The new nurse looked horrified. I lost it and laughed so hard I cried. Right at the bedside.

#28

I had an older gentleman who was the absolute sweetest. He loved to dance and right before I had to hook him back up to an IV I asked him to dance with me. Afterwards he started crying and told me it was like he was dancing with his wife again. Who had dementia and he was her caregiver.

Whenever I feel burnt out and like what I do doesn’t matter I like to think of him and that moment and how I could make someone a little happier in a bad time in their life.

#29

I was working with an elderly nun who had had a stroke. She farted really loud when we were helping her in the shower and told me "that was my b******e blowing you a kiss!".

#30

I had a lovely heavily-tattooed patient get a much-needed transplant that saved their life. The transplant doctor had a stern conversation with the patient about how they could never get another tattoo because of the risk of infection. The patient went out and got the hospital's logo tattooed over their new organ. I wish I could have seen the doctor's face....

#31

My husband is a pediatric hospitalist. His story not mine. He had a patient that liked to pretend she was a mermaid. When he first came in she made him leave so she could put her mermaid tail on and on the room board she had her mermaid name.

#32

Not a medical professional but was talking to a firefighter, funniest thing he said was
“You have no idea how many calls we’ve gotten in where a man was “simply having a cucumber snack in the shower, and somehow fell on it and it slipped in- now they can’t get it out”

I asked how often, he said “I’ve been a firefighter for 2 years, we’ve gotten 5 calls about that or similar. The best part is that they all swear they’re straight.”.

#33

When I was in school for EEG, I was doing clinical hours at the local hospital. Just routine testing, all ages. We had a patient come in for her EEG and she was just so hecking psyched to be a part of something, it was truly enchanting. She was maybe like 9 at the most and she was super small and really charming. Anyway, we are running the test and we get to the photic stimulation (strobe light) part of the test. Right at 15hz, her EEG tracing just goes wild with seizure activity. Myself and the tech overseeing me leaned over to look into the room to see if the tech overseeing her needed any help with this apparently crazy seizure that this girl is now having. Nope, she’s grinning ear to ear about the light. It goes up to 18hz and the seizure activity increases, so the tech next to me starts doing other tests. She asks the little girl to say “cat” and the girl just blurts out CAT! I’m documenting, the tech asks her to say “dog”. This girl just starts laughing so wildly hard and barks out DOG! Now we are all laughing, I’m documenting, she’s…still neurologically seizing, but she was just so charming and hilarious. It genuinely didn’t seem like a gelastic seizure either. Girly was just really enjoying the rave party portion of her otherwise boring brain test. Never did get to hear her test results in terms of the doctor’s impression, but I’ve only seen a few tracings with just BIG generalized seizure activity and that was one of them, and she was conscious and following instructions.

#34

I don’t know if this is my favorite story, but I did find it amusing. I worked in a psych hospital. We had team meetings for all the patients: psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and nurses (me). The team got very concerned because when a patient said his favorite hobby was RPGs, they thought he meant the weapon not the games. Still amuses me to this day how wide eyed they got.

#35

I’m female and was holding an elderly lady’s hand to make sure she didn’t fall as we walked in the hallway and she turned to me and said “you know… you’re really not my type”. I laughed and said, “that’s ok, you’re not mine either”.

Another story, we had to straight cath a combative elderly woman (there were 5 of us assisting) and she looks me d**d in the eyes and told me “you’re so full of sins you can’t even look yourself in the mirror”.

A coworker answered a shower call light and walked into a pt getting head and the patient follows up with “don’t worry, she doesn’t have any teeth”.

#36

Not me, but my dad. He was an ambulance driver, and we live in a rural area. Our ambulance service is volunteer, and the drivers usually have some training(CPR, etc) and help put patients on the stretcher ,push it to the ambulance and load/unload it. My brother is also an EMT full time and they would usually sign up for call together.

On one call, the lady they were taking in had several dogs, including a small one. Think chihuahua. It jumped on top of the lady and started running back and forth and growling, barking, snapping at my dad and brother. Without hesitation, my dad, who always wore a baseball cap, took his cap and started swatting at the dog and swearing at it in Czech. Not hurting the dog, just trying to shoo it away.

The week after, the head of the ambulance company stopped by my house because officially, he had to tell my dad he couldn't do stuff like that on calls. Unofficially, he gave my dad a new hat that had the ambulance service logo on the front, and on the back said "Canine Control Unit".

#37

I work in mental health and I told this sweet older woman she had something on her chin and that I was going to wipe it off. She looked horrified and asked, “Is it c*m?” I couldn’t breathe for a good thirty seconds I was laughing so hard.

#38

Not much of an accident, but I was working military sick call and there were three young Soldiers sitting together who hadn't signed in. I asked the first one, to sign in and state why he was in for sick call. He just states, "HIV test, Sergeant!" I tell him, "Shhh" and remind him about patient confidentiality. I look at the second guy, tell him the same thing, and he states, "HIV test too, Sergeant!". Again, I remind him what I just got done telling his friend. I look at the third Soldier, and he just nods and says, "Yeah, it was the same chick, Sergeant.".

#39

This is probably one of my favorite mechanisms of injury a patient has told me. I had a m******d who looked like he lived in a gym tell me his shoulder hurt. I asked him how he hurt it, assuming he did it while exercising. Nope. He paused for a second and was clearly embarrassed. Then he told me he thinks he pulled a muscle while apple picking with his girlfriend. We both had a laugh.

#40

Not really an embarrassing accident, but the lady was pretty embarrassed.
As a medical student we are required to ask about s****l history when interview patients. Short version below.

"Mr/Mrs X, are you currently s******y active?" He/She replies with, "yes." I ask, "can you describe the type of s*x you are having? How many people, the types you are having, men/women both?" They look at me and say "well, I am a part of an association." In my head I was like, what is she talking about?

That was the day I learned all about o****s. And apparently some call their group an "association.".

#41

Obligatory not a doctor, but this is my friend's dad's favorite story (He was an ER doc): There was a frat house that had a pet alligator in a large aquarium. (I'm sure this was against their university's policy, but that's besides the point.) One drunken frat boy for whatever reason decided to get in the tank with the gator, n***d. The gator apparently didn't take too well to this and bit him in a rather sensitive area. He was too embarrassed to explain the source of his injury to a doctor so he waited three days and by then it had become infected. I believe the guy now qualifies for a Darwin Award...

#42

I asked this question to a nurse I worked with a few years ago. She said her favorite one was this guy that came in with a cucumber stuck in his a*s. He told the doctor he fell on it while gardening. Of course, the next question was why he was gardening n***d. He didn't have an answer. Apparently, this guy was more worried about his wife finding out about it than the actually injury itself.

#43

Was working at a pharmacy as a first year intern when I get one of my first phone calls for medical advice. It was a man's voice, quite and shaky, like he was super nervous.

He started by asking about how to know if you have a yeast infection. I was really confused, because men rarely get yeast infections, I figured he was calling for his wife.

I was taught to always ask as many questions as possible to get the whole picture. Well, I asked why he thought he had a yeast infection...

After a really uncomfortably long pause he tried his best to explain that when his d**k got hard and all the skin skin started stretching, it got really red and burned a lot.

He then went on to explain that his wife had a yeast infection, but convinced him that it was impossible for him to catch it...

So I laid it on him, "this is a pharmacy man, I can't help you... Sorry"

He quickly got off the phone with instructions to call a physician.

#44

Without question it was the priest with a Brut bottle stuck in his sigmoid colon. When pressed for an explanation he said " I fell". To which a young idiot me replied "that must have been a very accurate fall father"....

#45

It's not so much an embarrassing story as a straight up lie.
I'm a lab tech at a small hospital so we do both the blood collection and the blood testing. I had this patient who told me that they had been following their doctors orders and had been working on getting their blood sugars lower. Their fasting glucose went with their story, but their glucose A1C value (which tell us the glucose value over the last 3 months) over was through the roof. Yeah right you were following his orders.
You can't trick the A1C.

#46

Radiographer here (Xray guy). Too many to tell stories but people come in with dildos up the a*s more than you think. Men and women.

#47

Well, mine is a little selfish. I was in the throngs of my internal medicine rotation, going through a depression flare and doing my best to cry at home and not at the hospital. As I’m about to interview a patient who has metastatic brain cancer, the resident interrupts my start of the interview, makes her own quick assessment and quipps “make sure you do a through physical,” (for patient who already had a complete workup) before abruptly leaving the room.

Something about that morning, about my complete uselessness as a part of the medical team, glaring knowledge deficit any any basic inpatient care, and general misery of the season hit me - the tears came. They were unstoppable, and I was new at that hospital and didn’t know where any of the bathrooms were. I had no place to hide except this poor guys’s room. Of course he noticed.

“Hey... You ok?” he said softly.

“Sorry, I just... I’m just under a lot of pressure“ I replied, barely getting the words out.

“Here take a seat”

“Thanks,” I sniffled, and sat at the foot of his bed.

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” he said knowingly.

“Yeah, it is.” I replied, knowing my comments were selfish but being too needy in that moment to be stoic.

We talked for a little while. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation. It wasn’t profound. But this man with metastatic, very likely terminal cancer, who deserved so much more sympathy than I did, had enough heart to be nice to a medical student.

I’ll never forget him.

#48

Severely demented guy with that perpetual “oh s**t” look on his face in the VA just wanted a god d**n radio to listen to music. No one would get him one. I figured out where I could get him one in the hospital and some lady dropped one off in a couple hours. He was sleeping peacefully like a baby (the first time in the 3 days since his admission) within 10 minutes of getting the radio.

The woman who was in my office crying because she works on a farm was just getting overwhelmed with rearing the animals that particular season. She’s been on the same SSRI same dose for 35 years and her normal PCP wouldn’t change the dose. I switched to a different one at a modest dose and she was a ray a sunshine the next time I saw her.

There’s little moments like this all the time. I’ve found it normally doesn’t take anything special. Most of the time just listen and your patients will tell you exactly what they want.

#49

Helped an old lady to the washroom when I was a student. She was constipated, reached her hand down and physically removed the t**d from her a*s. She looked up at me and said “when you’re sitting at the dinner table and your family asks what you learned today you can tell them about this.”

I told them about it.

#50

One of my favorites was an older gentleman (late 80's) who had a coude catheter with dementia. Everytime I would explain the procedure for changing the catheter, and he would fist bump me and say "let's get this $h!& done! We can do this!" Mind you, he hated changes, but I always told him it went so well last time that he wanted me to change it again and he stayed positive.

It was the first bump....it was like he was hyping himself up.

#51

I had a patient once who my team was discharging to the rehab hospital literally across the street. I received a call late that afternoon from the rehab hospital that he never showed up. After some investigation we learn that the case manager called him an uber, and when he got in he told them to take him home so they did. He came back to the ER like a week later because his symptoms were worsening.

#52

Oh man I’m probably too late for this to be seen by anyone but I worked in a pain management clinic for many years. Any patient who was to receive a prescription o****d had to pass an initial urine d**g screen. This one female patient came up positive for m**h. Her defense was: “Oh yeah. I don’t do it, but my boyfriend does and I swallow a LOT of his s***n.”.

#53

Working in various ERs in Houston, we would average 2-3 stuck rectal objects per week. There were all kinds; vi******s, cucumbers, carrots, d****s, flashlights, Coke bottles, various kids toys, ears of corn, even a Welch's grape jelly jar. Yeah, the jelly jar probably took some serious work. It was a b***h to get out. (Imagine the loudest cartoon "POP" sound you've ever heard.)

It was fairly routine and we expected to hear all manner of silly excuses...I fell on it, I was giving myself an enema and my wife opened the door, someone tripped over me while I was n**e sunbathing. We heard them all.

But the one that actually made it easier to properly care for the patient was a man who must have been about 50. At some point in his life he had probably been a body builder and was still pretty muscular. He looked like a retired gunnery sergeant.

So I took him back to a room (I was a nurse,) and asked him why he had come to the ER. His answer was something along the lines of, (spoken with a baritone Texas drawl) "Yeah man, I got a big-a*s d***o stuck up my p**p-chute. I'll tell you what , I just love the way these things feel in my a*s, but I guess I got carried away this time! It's happened before. (long sigh...) Sometimes you slip when you really get going! You know what I mean?"

I said thanks for being so upfront. Let's get you in a gown. It sure made life a lot easier.

#54

I had a patient who had the cap of a ranch dressing bottle stuck in his esophagus. He said he "really liked ranch dressing" and I can only imagine he was deep throating it because it was way down there. I was told that he had some significant scarring as well, which indicated it wasn't his first rodeo....

#55

This one guy had a d***o stuck up his a*s. It was still on, too. After we removed it, he shat himself. Best story to tell at parties.

#56

Knocked myself out and split my forehead open requiring 7 stitches by hitting myself in the head with a ratchet while working on a muscle car working in a hot rod shop. Was pretty embarrassing rocking up to the emergency room with my boss while he tried to contain his laughter as I told the check in nurse what had happened. Moral of the story, never pull something toward your forehead while working under a car.

Edit: It was also right between my eyes, still have a noticeable scar and have to explain how I got it at least once a fortnight.

#57

Dude came into the ER with a razor broken off in his a*s. Said he fell while shaving his beard and landed on it.

#58

One of my high school teachers was a paramedic before teaching and liked to tell us his stories. The one that sticks out was when they got called to a college dorm and a girl had a broken glass coke bottle in her v****a. She claimed she fell onto it, but her roommate standing behind her just shook her head at the paramedics silently.

He definitely could have been lying though.

#59

I'm a nurse, but my most relevent story doesn't come from work, surprisingly.

When my husband was sixteen years old, he was standing on an old latter-backed chair in his room to hang a poster on his wall. He slipped, fell, and impaled himself up the r****m on a little decorative wooden piece on the back of the chair. He was so charged with adenaline when it happened that he was able to jump up and scream for help before he fell down on the floor, bleeding profusely. Long story short, he had torn the wall of his r****m and some small arteries and lost quite a bit of blood by the time he got to the ER to get stitched up.

The part that's funny is that none of the doctors or nurses really believed him when he explained his injury. They would listen, look very skeptical, and then say something like, "Okay, son. Sure, you fell on a chair. Right. Well, it doesn't really matter how you did it, anyway."

As a teenage boy, it was embarrassing enough without everyone thinking he had been sticking something up his b**t for kicks. He is still annoyed by it twenty years later.

#60

I got called out to an "entrapped person " when we got there the guy had his d**k stuck in one of the holes on the side of a laundry basket.. he said he was doing laundry when he fell and it got stuck in... right... we believe you....

#61

Psych patient stuck his b**t out of his room in the ED and projectile pooped into the hallway :).

#62

A patient was trying to escape the hospital in DTs. Security wasn’t doing anything so I chased him to the first floor and hauled him up myself. He punched me in the stomach and I got a pretty good bruise. I’m pretty proud of that bruise. If he had made it off the property he probably would have seized and d**d.

#63

Intern in the cardiac ICU. Was caring for an elderly guy for a week or two with horrible AS and heart failure, would likely d*e that admit. All he wanted was a Coors light before he d**d. Next AM before rounds brought him and his son a 6 pack to enjoy together. He passed a few days later. Prob best medicine I did all year.

#64

I actually have loads, I worked in neurosurgery as a nurse and my patients were amazing.

We had one guy with us for months, he kept having problems with shunts so he would go to theatres and have a quick stay in either ICU or NHDU then come back to my ward. He would always have a couple of days when he would do well then he'd either pull out his EVD (he was incredibly strong and even with two people holding his arms he still managed to pull it out) or it would block. So the tenth time this happens he's not doing well prior to surgery but we go through the same dance as usual and when he returns to the ward he's actually doing a lot better but I can't convince the surgeon as he would pretend not to have improved in front of him. Then after a week of this the surgeon came over and asked how things were (to me) and the patient responded and then he just kept on improving. On Xmas day he engaged in a full conversation and fed himself and he got sent to a specialist rehabilitation unit not long after.

#65

One day on inpatient medicine, I happened to be there when my patient's husband came in to visit. he brought a guitar and spent some time with her singing, then went up and down the floor serenading all the other patients. it was very sweet.

also on inpatient medicine, I once had a female patient in her 80's say, "you have the prettiest ankles I've ever seen". something about the tone, and the unexpected topic, that to this day it's still once of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten.

65 Medical Workers Share Patient Stories That Were Too Funny, Sweet, Or Strange To Forget

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