SACRAMENTO, CA—Saying the newly instituted changes better reflected the realities of modern driving, officials at the California Department of Motor Vehicles announced Friday that they had added a highway chase to the state’s standard road test. “Test-takers will be expected to safely merge onto the highway and then successfully weave their getaway vehicle through traffic while being tailed at high speeds by the police,” said California DMV spokesperson William Deiboldt, adding that all driver’s license candidates would need to provide their own stolen car and handgun and demonstrate their ability to load, aim, and shoot accurately enough to get cruisers to back off. “The chase section will require a minimum speed of 120 mph and involves careening over a grassy median at least twice. We’ve found drivers really struggle to complete a 180 while drifting beneath an 18-wheeler in order to reverse direction, but it’s important people master such skills before we issue them a license. If the vehicle is taken out by spike strips, the test-taker may exit the driver’s seat and attempt to outrun police on foot.” Deiboldt went on to state that local news helicopters would no longer be permitted to tail car chases due to the fact that it made too many test-takers nervous.

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