DHARAMSHALA, INDIA—Touting it as an exciting limited engagement that would precede his next official reincarnation, His Holiness the Dalai Lama announced Wednesday that after his death he would participate in a one-year residency inside the body of Bruno Mars. “While I am proud to have served Tibetan Buddhism in my current body since 1940, I could not pass up the opportunity to inhabit one of pop’s most electrifying showmen,” said the Dalai Lama, 90, adding that the yearlong stint within the multiplatinum-selling “Locked Out Of Heaven” artist would be an opportunity to deliver his message of universal compassion with more up-tempo, throwback grooves. “I want to assure my disciples that as much as I might enjoy dwelling within a 40-year-old pop superstar, I will exit Bruno Mars at the end of my 12-month commitment. Don’t believe me? Just watch.” At press time, Bruno Mars’ career was reportedly in free fall after he asked a little boy to suck his tongue. 

The post Dalai Lama Announces One-Year Residency Inside Body of Bruno Mars appeared first on The Onion.