THE HEAVENS—Asserting that He’d had “enough of the drama,” the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, shocked fans Tuesday by announcing His abrupt departure from The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives. “Though this series has been a huge part of My eternal life, I can no longer participate in good faith,” the Supreme Leader of the Universe wrote in a post shared to His Almighty Instagram page, explaining His fears that continuing on with the Hulu reality series for a sixth season would set a bad example for His son, Jesus Christ our Savior. “While I will forever be grateful for the friendships I have made with the women on this show, there are some people whose behavior, frankly, has shaken Me to My spirit’s core. I will fulfill My contractual obligations, filming the rest of My confessionals, and then that’s it, goodbye, I will be taking My majesty elsewhere.” At press time, God revealed He would be competing on the next season of The Traitors.

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