Finding our a partner has been cheating can be devastating. Finding out it’s been going on for years, with multiple people, puts a whole new spin on the situation. Some choose to stay and work things out, others leave and never look back. Then there are those who will go to the depths of hell to make sure their ex lives pays for the rest of their life.
Like one man who put the love of his life through college and supported him in every way possible. When he found out that his fiance had cheated with four people, including a registered sex offender, he went on the warpath. He set out to destroy their lives one by one. And then watched as they each fell like dominoes.
He was devasted when he found out his fiance had cheated with several men right under his nose
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Instead of taking it lying down, this man set out to destroy each of their lives one by one
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Why taking revenge is not a good idea, according to experts
Revenge is a dish best served piping hot and angry. But while it may feel satisfying to watch a cheating partner suffer, it could come back to burn you.
Maybe you give them a taste of their own medicine by “cheating back,” you publicly shame them on social media, or you call their boss and try to get them fired…
“While these actions might provide temporary satisfaction, they can keep you in a state of anger and prevent you from focusing on healing and moving forward, whether alone or together,” says Sheri Stritof, a Marriage Consultant and co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book.
Founder & President of the Affair Recovery site Rick Reynolds agrees.
The expert says he comes across cases of revenge often. In a short space of time, he witnessed someone “violating their own values” by having a revenge affair in hopes of making their mate feel their pain; another using their children as a bargaining chip to get their mate to acquiesce to their demands; a betrayed person telling everyone about their mate’s affair in an attempt to embarrass their mate; and someone telling their children what a rotten human their mom was because of how she cheated on them and that if she really loved them, she wouldn’t have had the affair.
Reynolds firmly believes that two wrongs never make a right. He explains that vengeance will never bring healing; it only brings further damage to the relational bond. It also can’t change the past but can cloud the future.
“Some believe the lie that making the other person pay will make it better, help them feel vindicated, make things more fair, or fill the hole in their heart,” says the expert. “It inevitably leaves them with nothing but feelings of self-contempt, pain, and anger as they deal with the surfacing of their own dark side.”
Reynolds advises that you move on if you feel your partner isn’t safe. “It’s not worth the pain you’ll inflict on yourself and others to extract justice,” he explains, adding that if your partner wants to move on, you need to let them go.
He believes that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. And that peace will only be found in forgiving them for their betrayal, as hard as it may seem.
“If your mate is a jerk, then don’t go down to their level and act in the same way,” he cautions. “If it’s awful for them to act that way, it’s going to be equally awful if you act in the same manner.”
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