Getting back into dating is one of the most daunting things a person can do. You don’t know what the dating pool is like, whether you can trust the other person, and, well, meeting strangers from an app can be pretty scary.
And well, dating apps are all the rage right now, and there are plenty of success relationship stories that stem from these online spaces. But the story we’re sharing today isn’t one of them. It comes from a woman on r/DatingHell, who shared how her seemingly charming and perfect date quickly went south, leaving her more confused than ever. Here’s what she had to say.
While using dating apps, you truly never know who you might end up matching with
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A woman met up with a seemingly perfect guy; they hit it off, but then suddenly she found herself in a shed, which was one of his properties
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The man’s behavior easily aligns with infidelity traits
From the get-go, the woman compliments the guy’s looks, charm, and manners, to the point that she says they affected her decision-making. Psychologists actually explain this kind of behavior through the “halo effect.” Edward Thorndike’s research shows how early impressions can shape our perception of others, leading daters to overlook potential red flags because they subconsciously link attractiveness and good manners to other positive traits.
But while she says he never pressured her, another positive trait, that doesn’t necessarily mean his other actions were innocent. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes that people can display superficial good manners, like opening doors or showing sympathy, while also exhibiting more troubling traits related to secrecy or deception through compartmentalization.
Unfortunately, while the narrator may never know the reason behind his secrecy, research suggests that behaviors like refusing to share an address, avoiding mutual acquaintances, disappearing from dating apps, and unlinking phone numbers can be associated with infidelity. This research shows that unfaithful individuals may go to great lengths to create an information firewall, especially to avoid leaving a paper trail.
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Using dating apps is incredibly common, but safety precautions should always be in place
Oddly enough, the man also felt the need to show off his money, which confused the narrator for quite some time. But this, too, may have an explanation. Research published in the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that people who flaunt their wealth might do so to compensate for feelings of low control or to establish dominance in a social dynamic. We may never know his real intentions, though.
But we do know the woman probably shouldn’t have followed the man to a shed, though dating burnout may have influenced that decision. According to a Pew Research Center survey on relationships, roughly 46% to 50% of online daters report feeling overwhelmed or burned out, or say dating apps have negatively affected their experiences. And it’s no surprise.
So, what can the woman do now? If the man contacts her again, she may want to limit or cut off communication. More broadly, experts recommend following dating safety guidelines, including keeping first dates in neutral, public places for their entire duration. But if you were in her shoes, would you have gone with the man, too? Let us know in the comments!
Most readers seemed to agree on one thing: the man was clearly hiding something
In an odd series of events, the man’s dating profile was gone, along with all the information attached to his phone number
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The woman then made another update where she shared that the man had contacted her again, but promptly ghosted her for nearly a full day
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But after contacting her, he said he would be adding a bathtub to the shed and invited her to go there once more
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In the comment section, the narrator also shared some details that readers seemed to be confused about
Much like the readers, the woman too started suspecting the man was already in a relationship and was looking for a “baby mama”
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Many netizens actually just ended up praising the woman’s writing skills and for sharing such an intense experience in such a lighthearted way
