INDIANAPOLIS—As he maintained steady eye contact and periodically murmured, “Yeah, man,” ESPN host Pat McAfee could be seen nodding along Tuesday during a broadcast of his talk show in which Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Aaron Rodgers delivered a two-hour monologue extolling the health benefits of eating tar. “People hear ‘tar’ and they get scared, but why? It’s naturally occurring. It comes from the earth,” said Rodgers, explaining that the substance’s black color was “basically what you’d get if you mashed every fruit and vegetable together,” which he claimed made it nutritionally equivalent to consuming the entire produce section at Whole Foods. “I credit my career longevity to eating tar. It keeps you fresh—that’s why dinosaurs have been preserved in it for hundreds of millions of years. And you think it’s an accident that Dr. [Anthony] Fauci did everything in his power to make sure Americans couldn’t get tar during Covid? Come on. Just do your own research. Also, just saying, I personally don’t know a single person who eats tar who also has autism.” McAfee responded, “That’s fascinating, dude,” while Rodgers spooned a viscous black substance from a five-gallon bucket labeled “ROOFING GRADE” onto a cracker. 

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