Here are the steps the NFL follows to evaluate head injuries.

Step 1:

Player receives devastating helmet-to-helmet hit that leaves him motionless for 46 seconds

Step 2:

Spotter initiates protocol after noticing entire offense kneeling in prayer beside teammate

Step 3:

Referee blows ceremonial gjallarhorn to signal commencement of concussion protocol

Step 4:

Player is asked simple yes or no questions like, “Do you want to lose your roster spot?”

IF YES: Player removed from game

Step 5:

Gait, coordination, and balance are examined by having player return to game for a few downs

Step 6:

Physician measures blood leaking from player’s ears to confirm it’s the normal amount

IF MORE THAN A LITER: Player removed from game

Step 7:

Player is administered cognitive exam in which he must correctly identify a square in fewer than 20 guesses

IF UNABLE TO IDENTIFY SQUARE: Player removed from game

Step 8:

Physician tests reflexes by hitting the player in the head a second time

IF REFLEXES BAD:  Physician prevents concussion from spreading to body by amputating head, player removed from game

IF DETERMINATION NOT YET REACHED AFTER STEPS 1-8:

Audience votes by applause to decide if player can return to game

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