The U.S. military-industrial complex is the largest in the world, supplying arms to countries across the globe. The Onion takes a look at the history of U.S. arms sales.

1790

A farmer in Rhode Island becomes the first American to sell a musket to a cow.

1831

Jebediah Lockheed meets Silas Martin.

1942

Typewriter manufacturers convert their factories to rifle production, resulting in a severe typewriter shortage on the front lines.

1976

Following the Vietnam War, all U.S. arms sold are required to include a warning label reading “for intended recipient use only.”

1985

In a controversial move, the Reagan administration sells weapons to Iran to fund the president’s experimental one-man play.

1991

Uproar ensues following the discovery that tactical banana peels sold to Iraq years earlier were later used to subject American soldiers to humiliating pratfalls.

1997

General Atomics opens a factory store selling lower quality, made-for-outlet predator drones at a steep 80% discount.

2005

That Nic Cage movie Lord Of War comes out and is, you know, pretty good.

2012

Ruger opens an Etsy shop to sell bespoke, twee grenade launchers.

2022

Dr. Jill Biden attempts to rehome Commander with a nice Canadian couple.

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