Social media has ignited a recent surge in health-conscious Americans trying to up their fiber consumption. The Onion provides tips for maximizing the amount of fiber in your diet:

Scrutinize food labels for phrases like “gut buster” and “organ hell.”

Toast white bread to convert it to brown, fiber-packed wheat bread.

Shift your diet from 65% dried figs to 85% dried figs.

Incorporate eating a can of beans into your shower routine.

Don’t rule out wicker.

Opt for high-fiber cuisines such as Middle Eastern, Indian, and Horse.

Let the paper straw dissolve completely before drinking your soda.

Mismanage your finances until lentils are all you can afford to eat.

Change nothing about your diet and assume Metamucil will sort it out.

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