WASHINGTON—Declaring the military fortifications an urgent matter of national security, President Donald Trump on Monday proposed the installation of a sniper nest atop his youngest son, Barron. “We’re going to set up Barron right there on Memorial Circle, where some of the deadliest marksmen in our armed forces will be posted around the clock on his head and shoulders,” said Trump, adding that at approximately 6-foot-8, his son would provide an exceptional high-elevation vantage point for neutralizing targets at long range. “The Pentagon actually came to me and said, ‘Mr. President, to protect the country, we need Barron to become a living military complex with snipers on top of him and ammunition stockpiled in his pockets.’ So we’re going to do that, and then we’ll store lots of combat drones in his mouth somehow. America’s going to be so much safer with my son standing out there the rest of his life.” Trump went on to say that his other sons, Donald Jr. and Eric, would be strategically positioned nearby to shield the snipers from enemy fire.

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