There is nothing inherently wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. While it can cause issues in many romantic relationships, couples can work things out with trust and clear boundaries.
Problems can arise once one partner crosses those boundaries, even if they weren’t explicitly being unfaithful. A woman dealt with this exact problem when she came home one day to find one of his boyfriend’s female friends scantily clad in their bathroom.
Her significant other’s explanation only made things worse, so she turned to the internet for guidance.
Being friends with someone from the opposite gender is possible, as long as there are clear boundaries
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A man, however, crossed these lines when he decided to bring a younger female friend into the home he shares with his girlfriend
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The woman was left in a state of utter shock and confusion and turned to Reddit for some advice
Opposite-gender friendships typically become more problematic when one person enters a romantic relationship
Many would argue that straight men and women cannot have platonic relationships. Previous research has shown why that may be the case.
Social and organizational psychologist Dr. Jeremy Nicholson mentioned how men are more likely to see their female friends as romantic potential. As a result, they are more likely to pursue intimate relationships and may feel rejected if it doesn’t work out.
So when such friendships persist even after one person enters a romantic relationship, the lines may begin to blur. As psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer notes, this is when emotional infidelity may happen.
“(The relationship with a romantic partner) can be broken by creating a bond with someone else that interferes with the trusting intimate bond you have with your partner. That’s why it is widely recognized that affairs can be physical, emotional, or both,” she explained.
Opposite-gender friendships should never surpass intimate relationships in any way
Prioritizing the relationship is one way to maintain an opposite-gender friendship without causing problems. That includes being completely honest and transparent with your partner.
As Dr. Vilhauer notes, lies of omission are still lies, at the end of the day. And any form of deception, no matter how small, can alter your partner’s perception, possibly for the worse.
“Once you have made the choice to hide your behavior, you are already keenly aware that what you are doing is likely to harm the relationship,” she said.
But perhaps the most obvious thing to mention here is that inappropriate opposite-gender friendships are a no-no. And for this, Dr. Vilhauer advises using the “reasonable person test.”
Simply put, if a reasonable person looking in questions the relationship or thinks it is odd, your partner most likely will, too.
In the story’s case, the man was already on shaky ground with his flirtatious nature, something his girlfriend had seemingly tolerated for a while. But he also broke her trust by having a woman over and clearly breaking boundaries. That would be a difficult hole to climb out of.
Questions and reactions from commenters began piling in, some of which the author addressed
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The woman shared an update soon after, and it wasn’t an encouraging one
People had varying responses to what they read
